Page 6

DANICA

Danica always forgothow much of a love/hate relationship she had with skiing. There was a certain kind of bliss in carving down the mountain, enjoying the trees rushing past, shifting your weight and just losing yourself in the flow. Her mind was quiet as she focused on the gliding sound of her skis in the snow, the laughter and shouts of skiers and snowboarders on the lifts and skiing around her, and even the terror-inducing sound of children laughing somewhere behind her. Kids on skis were fearless and always cut way too close for comfort.

On the other hand, her ski boots never fit quite right for the first few hours. She was a bit out of practice and had to keep reminding herself about the ski positions of pizza and french fries, and her face was cold, even under the sherpa neck gaiter and hood she’d brought. Her helmet strap rubbed on her chin, her boots chafed against her shins, and she was painfully out of breath.

It was 10 a.m. and she was already looking forward to the Après part of the day.

People knew Telluride for its expert runs, but she was by no means an expert. Pete and Izzy had disappeared to find the black runs further up the mountain, but Kiera, Maggie, and Danica stuck to the blues. Kiera probably would have been fine with Pete and Izzy, but Danica had a feeling that Kiera was doing easier runs just to stick with her, which was both embarrassing and sweet.

“I’m nervous about how many layers I have on,” Maggie confessed on the lift part-way through the morning. Danica clutched the bar, too afraid of heights to look down, and was only half-listening. Was the seat rocking back and forth slightly, or was that just her imagination? Though she was curious about the seat’s connection to the lift, she stared straight ahead, worried extra movement would make her sick.

Kiera nodded and laughed. “Is it because you’re worried you won’t get off all the layers before peeing yourself thanks to birthing watermelon-sized children? Because that’s my problem.”

“Exactly. I’m a little afraid I’m gonna pee anytime I fall,” Maggie said with a snort.

“I’ve already peed a little like three times.”

“Was one when you sneezed earlier?’

“Yeah! How did you know?” Kiera said, smacking her leg in amusement.

“Because I thought to myself, wow, I’d have peed a little if I had that sneeze,” Maggie said.

Although Danica tried not to professionally deal with any human over ten pounds, she was around a lot of mothers and parents who had recently given birth. She’d seen it all. Usually while telling them, ‘Please don’t faint, I don’t do well with adults.’

“Danica, are you and Eddie planning on having kids?” Maggie asked, leaning past Kiera to look at her. The sightof Maggie leaning forward on the lift made Danica very, very nervous.

“We never really talked about it,” Danica confessed, nervously fidgeting with her goggles that were raised over her helmet. “I don’t know if I want to.”

“You’re engaged and you’ve never talked about kids?” Maggie asked, her eyes wide.

“We’re 37, babe, you’re kind of at a point where you’d better figure that out,” Kiera said in a way that only Kiera could get away with.

“I knew a mom last year who was 52,” Danica said with a shrug as her brain frantically tried to redirect the conversation. “She had twins.”

“I’m tired just thinking about that,” Maggie said with a sigh. “Don’t you love babies, though, since you work with them?”

Danica had been asked that question twelve thousand times. She liked kids, sure. But what made her choose neonatology was that she loved the challenge of preemies, especially the teeny tiny ones called micropreemies. “I have seen too much to try it myself, I’m pretty sure. I think I’m more likely to adopt one of my patients than have my own.”

“Oh man, I foster-failed on two dogs, so I totally get that,” Maggie said with a sincere smile. “Not that that’s the same, but comparatively, they’re both cute things that need you.”

Danica laughed. “You’d know better than me. I haven’t brought one home yet, but I’ve been more than tempted. I have a colleague who has fostered four of our NICU kids and fantastic families have adopted them.”

“I love that, and also it makes me kind of sad to think about tiny babies that need families,” Kiera said.

“We also have volunteers who come in and cuddle babies,” Danica offered, desperate to move the spotlight off of herself. “They get to just hold a baby for a few hours.” Both Kiera andMaggie respond with meaningful “aww” sounds. Danica was a little jealous of the volunteers that got to snuggle babies. She sometimes helped out with the bedside things in the NICU, taking part in diaper changes or bottle feeding when she wasn’t busy, but those times were rare and only when there weren’t as many babies on the unit. She had to be prepared in case a patient coded or something else went wrong, and it was difficult to stop a hungry, growing baby when they were halfway through a bottle. Still, there were certain families that she loved more than others, and she made extra excuses to stop in their rooms and chat, even about movies or books. Some families were in the NICU for months and months, and she thought the normalcy helped them just as much as it helped her during those long shifts.

“Did you guys hear Izzy’s divorce went through?” Maggie asked as the lift lowered toward the ground. Danica was endlessly grateful to change the subject away from herself and distract herself from the impending challenge of gracefully dismounting from a chairlift. No matter how many times Danica had skied, getting off of the lift gracefully was always something that made her a bit nervous. She could slip and fall in front of a bunch of people, and the lifties would have to come help her, or worse, stop the lift altogether.

“I think I saw it on Facebook? But I’ve been trying to avoid that hellscape, so I haven’t seen much,” Kiera said.

“What does she do for work, again?” Danica and Izzy had never been the closest, and she’d only seen her once since college at Maggie’s wedding.

Maggie shrugged. “She works in a bar, but I don’t know much.”

They made their way toward the top of the run they’d picked out, a gradual, chill blue that wouldn’t require too much energy, given how tired they all already were.

Danica followed the other two down the mountain, taking her time, breathing deep