Page 79
Story: Obsessed with Her
"Don't you feel like trying again?"
"Do you think I should?"
"I don't know, Serenity. I'm not the best person in the world to give advice on how to open up. On the contrary, my siblings and I grew up being told that we can never show emotion."
"Because they are men?"
"Because we are Kostanidou, Greeks, and a group of proud bastards."
I lift my face from his chest to look at him. He tried to sound light, but I'm already getting to know him a little bit, and Iknow Ares didn't tell me this to comfort me. He must have been indoctrinated, like me, to keep his emotions under control.
"During the first few days at school, I cried a lot because I missed home. They punished me. I soon learned to pretend everything was fine. I started to relate showing feelings to something bad." I don't like to admit it, but in a way, he gave me a clue about his past. The least I can do is give him something back in return.
"You were just a little girl."
"Yes, I know. I like to think that if I ever have children, I will never teach them that showing feelings is wrong. I don't want to create more people like me." Only after I say that do I realize that I may have offended him too. "Pardon me. I spoke without thinking."
"I'm not sensitive, Serenity. With me, you will never need to hide what you think or feel."
I do need to hide what I feel because right now, I would like to create a law saying that you are mine.
I clear my throat and try to do the same with my brain. Despite what we just talked about, the future of our relationship is a big question mark, if there even is a relationship, and I don't want to think about that right now.
"I'm afraid of one day forgetting them. I mean, forgetting them once and for all, because at least with the photographs I can try to force the memory." I pause, remembering the last conversation with JeAnne. "Why didn't you tell me that Mr. Van Lith had passed away, Ares?"
He turns me so I'm straddling his legs. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Because he asked me not to."
"What?"
"Eventually, I would have. As much as I want to protect you, because I won't allow you to be hurt, I don't want to keep you in a glass jar. Pain is part of life. Wanting only happy days isunrealistic. But he was dying, and he asked me not to tell you at that time, and to be honest, I ended up forgetting. How did you know?"
"JeAnne called me."
"Did she call you to tell you about it?"
I nod. "She said she saw an article in the local newspapers about his death and that a single person was at the cemetery: you."
"How could she have known that? There were no photographers at the cemetery. My security guards always search the perimeter when I go somewhere."
"What?"
“She lied to you, Serenity. I don't know why, but JeAnne lied." He pauses. "How was she when you spoke on the phone?"
"Normal. I mean, hernew normal, because even though I have no idea why, she’s changed with me."
"How?"
"She's just grown more and more distant from me. Not just physically distant. I'm always the one who takes the initiative to call. It's like she's trying to cut ties."
He looks thoughtful and then kisses me on the forehead and sits me down on the bed. "Wait a second." When he returns, he has a box in his hands. "Van Lith left this here with me. It contains memories of your parents."
"Memories? And he was withholding them? Why didn't he give it to me from the beginning?"
He shrugs. "He gave the excuse that he was trying to protect you from the pain, but maybe he had just forgotten about it."
I take the square box. "What's in here?"
"Photographs, I think. Maybe letters. I didn't open it."
"Do you think I should?"
"I don't know, Serenity. I'm not the best person in the world to give advice on how to open up. On the contrary, my siblings and I grew up being told that we can never show emotion."
"Because they are men?"
"Because we are Kostanidou, Greeks, and a group of proud bastards."
I lift my face from his chest to look at him. He tried to sound light, but I'm already getting to know him a little bit, and Iknow Ares didn't tell me this to comfort me. He must have been indoctrinated, like me, to keep his emotions under control.
"During the first few days at school, I cried a lot because I missed home. They punished me. I soon learned to pretend everything was fine. I started to relate showing feelings to something bad." I don't like to admit it, but in a way, he gave me a clue about his past. The least I can do is give him something back in return.
"You were just a little girl."
"Yes, I know. I like to think that if I ever have children, I will never teach them that showing feelings is wrong. I don't want to create more people like me." Only after I say that do I realize that I may have offended him too. "Pardon me. I spoke without thinking."
"I'm not sensitive, Serenity. With me, you will never need to hide what you think or feel."
I do need to hide what I feel because right now, I would like to create a law saying that you are mine.
I clear my throat and try to do the same with my brain. Despite what we just talked about, the future of our relationship is a big question mark, if there even is a relationship, and I don't want to think about that right now.
"I'm afraid of one day forgetting them. I mean, forgetting them once and for all, because at least with the photographs I can try to force the memory." I pause, remembering the last conversation with JeAnne. "Why didn't you tell me that Mr. Van Lith had passed away, Ares?"
He turns me so I'm straddling his legs. He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Because he asked me not to."
"What?"
"Eventually, I would have. As much as I want to protect you, because I won't allow you to be hurt, I don't want to keep you in a glass jar. Pain is part of life. Wanting only happy days isunrealistic. But he was dying, and he asked me not to tell you at that time, and to be honest, I ended up forgetting. How did you know?"
"JeAnne called me."
"Did she call you to tell you about it?"
I nod. "She said she saw an article in the local newspapers about his death and that a single person was at the cemetery: you."
"How could she have known that? There were no photographers at the cemetery. My security guards always search the perimeter when I go somewhere."
"What?"
“She lied to you, Serenity. I don't know why, but JeAnne lied." He pauses. "How was she when you spoke on the phone?"
"Normal. I mean, hernew normal, because even though I have no idea why, she’s changed with me."
"How?"
"She's just grown more and more distant from me. Not just physically distant. I'm always the one who takes the initiative to call. It's like she's trying to cut ties."
He looks thoughtful and then kisses me on the forehead and sits me down on the bed. "Wait a second." When he returns, he has a box in his hands. "Van Lith left this here with me. It contains memories of your parents."
"Memories? And he was withholding them? Why didn't he give it to me from the beginning?"
He shrugs. "He gave the excuse that he was trying to protect you from the pain, but maybe he had just forgotten about it."
I take the square box. "What's in here?"
"Photographs, I think. Maybe letters. I didn't open it."
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