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Yesterday, I'd tried to step outside just to sit on the porch, and a sudden overhead shadow—just a bird—had sent me into a full panic attack. Daddy had held me through it, rocking me gently until I could breathe again.
"Then we come back inside," Daddy said simply. "We take it one step at a time. And if today isn't the right day, we try again tomorrow."
I looked up at him, at the unwavering patience in his eyes. "You've already missed so much club stuff because of me."
"I'm exactly where I want to be," he replied, brushing my hair back from my forehead. "The club understands. They're not rushing us."
I picked up the dinosaur shirt again, feeling its weight in my hands. "Will Annabel be there?"
"Yes. Bolt texted earlier to say she's very excited to see you. Apparently, Princess has been asking about Patches every day."
A small smile tugged at my lips and the pressure in my chest lifted a little. "Patches has missed her, too."
Daddy's expression softened at my response. "You know, you don't have to decide right now which headspace to be in. You can just be you—whatever feels right in the moment."
I considered his words, rolling them over in my mind. The idea of not having to choose, of just being whatever version of myself felt safest in the moment, was strangely freeing.
"I want to try," I decided, picking up the dinosaur shirt. "But...can I change if I get uncomfortable?"
"Always," Daddy assured me, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "We can come back any time you want."
I nodded, feeling a small flutter of courage. "Okay. I'll wear this one."
"That's my brave boy," Daddy said, his smile warming me from the inside out, and proceeded to put on his own dinosaur t-shirt, which made me feel a bit braver.
I changed slowly, still wincing slightly when the fabric brushed against my healing welts. Daddy watched me with careful eyes, ready to help if needed, but letting me do it myself. I'd said I wanted to dress myself, but now I was regretting it. I wanted Daddy to, and I knew he wanted it as well.
He also wanted me to go talk to someone and promised he would go with me. I knew it was a good idea, but I wasn't ready yet.
When I was dressed, I hesitated at the bedroom door. "Can Patches come too?"
"Of course he can," Daddy said without a moment's hesitation. "He's family."
I scooped up my stuffie, holding him close for reassurance, leaving Bear to guard the cabin just like his namesake was protecting me. "I'm ready," I said, though my voice trembled slightly.
Daddy held out his hand. "Remember, we go at your pace. Just say the word and we'll come back."
The walk to the compound's main area felt endless. Each step away from the safety of our cabin made my heart beat faster, but Daddy's steady presence beside me kept the panic at bay. I could hear music and laughter growing louder as we approached, and my grip on Daddy's hand tightened.
"Breathe, little one," he murmured. "I've got you."
We rounded the corner, and suddenly the barbecue came into view. Club members milled around, some at the grill, others setting up tables. Children played on the grass, their shrieks of laughter punctuating the air. It looked so...normal. So safe.
Feeling a little braver, I waved as both Maria and Daisy turned to look at me, and my feet stopped moving of their own accord. One by one, all the old-ladies turned to look at me, then the brothers, and finally the prospects, and I gaped. “Daddy,” I breathed out the word in astonishment.
Because every single one of them was wearing a dinosaur t-shirt.
Daisy opened her arms for a hug, and I ran into them, feeling Maria very gently at my back, then a giggling Annabel squished into our cuddle sandwich.
"Princess has been so worried," Annabel said, holding up her stuffie. "She's been asking about Patches every day."
I felt a small smile tug at my lips. "Patches missed her too," I said, lifting him slightly.
"Want to come sit with us?" Annabel asked, gesturing to a colorful blanket spread under a tree at the edge of the yard. I glanced back at Daddy, who gave me an encouraging nod.
"Go ahead," he said. "I'll bring you both some food in a bit."
I hesitated for a moment, then followed Annabel to her blanket, Patches clutched tightly to my chest. As I settled onto the soft fabric, I noticed she had her tea set arranged in the center, along with coloring books and crayons. I noticed she'deven brought a little cart she could wheel the stuffies in which could be fun.