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“You mean the barn? Yes, I did. You don’t need to be so cagey about it. I know I’ve been a dick about it, and honestly, I didn’t think I’d be able to go there. It’s why I wanted to go alone. Brodie doesn’t know anything about me, us, and our past. I didn’t have to explain myself.”
“It’s okay. I understand, but I wouldn’t have pushed you, Jet. I would’ve held your hand, though.” He’s thoughtful for a moment. “How was it?”
A low chuckle slips from my lips. “Anticlimactic. Nothing is left to make any connections of the past. It’s just the frame of something so very different. I even signed up to be a member.”
Ben laughs loudly. “Of course you did. We’ll have to go together.”
Ben doesn’t need to know how much I explained to Brodie, that he had found the box of mementoes I’d hidden in the hayloft. The box contained all the messages we’d sent each other, silly things like the pale blue and green sea glass pieces, a receipt from our first date when we’d gone up to Exeter and a restaurant. Having that box back again meant so much to me. Brodie couldn’t say why he kept it, but it had obviously meant so much to someone he couldn’t throw it away. I had it in my car and would hide it away in my new home.
We spent a relaxing evening together, stretched out on the couch. My tension has eased now that the demons I’ve kept living rent-free in my head for so many years have been banished, shunted to the same place as my parents, never to be thought of again.
It’s only ten thirty when, after my fourth or fifth yawn almost cracks my jaw, Ben nudges me. “Bedtime. Go on up. I’ll let the dogs out and lock up.”
I don’t complain but stretch my neck and kiss his chin. “Okay, don’t be too long, or I’ll be asleep.”
He chuckles as we untangle our limbs and get up without tripping over each other or the dogs.
I’m under the duvet with my head already in that fuzzy state between awake and asleep when Ben comes into the bedroom. He undresses quickly and slides naked in next to me. I tuck under his arm, rest my head on his chest, and throw my leg over his. He’s quiet but not asleep. He hasn’t relaxed fully yet. I’m staving off going to sleep until he’s got whatever he’s thinking about.
“Can I ask you something?” His voice is quiet in the dark.
“Of course.”
“You said it had been a while since you bottomed. How long?”
“Um, does it matter?” I’m going to have to explain myself to him. He’ll make a big deal out of it. When it doesn’t matter anymore, not now we’re together.
“No, not really, just curious. I’ve bottomed more for you in the last couple of months than I have in a long time. It’s not a problem. I love having you inside me, especially with your magical metalwork.”
That gets a chuckle out of me. I’ll tell him and get it over with. Then sleep can happen. “It’s been over fifteen years since I bottomed.” My voice is as quiet as his, although in the dark and silent room it seems louder.
“Wait. What? That makes me the last time. I don’t understand.”
I shrug, trying to make light of the situation. “I didn’t want anyone else, so I topped.”
“Fucking hell, Jet. This is huge. Why haven’t you told me this before?” He’s almost shouting now, the words reverberating through his chest.
I tilt my head, moving away from under his embrace. “It’s not a big deal. I found out I liked topping just as much, so I carried on doing that.” He raises one eyebrow. Shit, he doesn’t believe a word. This could get ugly, and I’m not up to it tonight. I’ve fought enough battles today, and I need to sleep.
“I don’t believe you. You don’t stop doing something you love because you tried a different way.” He’s not angry; he’s exasperated with my indifference. Just like when we were younger and I didn’t want to talk about my home life or my parents arguing. He’d want to talk it over, to dissect every minutia.
“Ben, please, I’m tired. I’ve had a tough day. I need some sleep,” I mutter, rolling off him. I don’t turn my back on him but lie on my back, looking up at the ceiling. He runs a hand down my arm, and I turn my head. I can just make out the concern on his face in the darkness. I sigh. “You broke my heart, so instead of being mature and contacting you, I fucked everyone I could. I’d move on before I could make any commitments. I did that for probably the first couple of years at uni. I only started to be a bit more responsible when the workload got hard and I had to study so much more. It’s an incredible course, and many don’t make it to the end. I had to stop dicking about and work. That’s it. I didn’t want to be that vulnerable again because the only person I wanted to be with didn’t exist anymore.”
Ben is quiet, his breathing slow, hitching in his throat a couple of times. Then he turns to face me. I do the same. “I can’t believe we’re back together.”
“I know. Don’t get me wrong. I had a lot of fun too. Met some great people—Maeve, for one. Plus, I started a career I’ve always wanted and that I love. I wasn’t all pining and crying into a pillow for you. We moved on, Benny. I certainly didn’t plan to come home, but fate showed her face when I was messing about on the internet. I didn’t expect you to be both here and single.”
“I never wanted to leave. I had friends here. I knew what I wanted to do, and I love it. This place is my home. It suits me. I made the effort to move on, be happy, and I was. I am.”
“So am I.” I roll him onto his back, going with him so I am on top of him. Ben parts his legs, allowing me to lie between them, our hips together. Both our cocks are plumping as I rock against him. As I kiss him, he wraps his hand around my arse and squeezes tightly.
“I want you inside me,” he says quietly. “No condom, just you.”
“You sure?” I’ve never considered going bareback before tonight. Now the idea has my head swimming and my cock hardening painfully.
“Yes, come inside me.”
All the talk in the café is about the break-in at the school only a week after the doctor’s was targeted. The residents are getting twitchy and discussing upgrading alarm and security systems. Maeve comes in for her usual coffee and sandwich, informing me that the police turned up and spoke to Jet.