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She didn’t want to be put in hospice to die among strangers, so Papa set up a special room for her in our mansion. He stocked it with all the necessary medical equipment and hired a team of three nurses so someone was there round the clock.
He considered having a doctor stay in the house, too, but the people he approached all told him the same thing: it wasn’t necessary. The only thing to be done was to make her as comfortable as possible.
In the end, she was too weak to play chess. Our visits were limited to me sitting by her bed and holding her hand.
When she wasn’t drifting in and out of a morphine haze, we would talk.
“…I’m worried about you, Nico,” she told me once, using the nickname for Niccolo.
“You’re worried aboutme?!”I said, forcing a jocular tone.“I’mnot the one with cancer.”
“…be serious,” she murmured, though she smiled. “…I want you to be happy… and I worry about you more than your brothers…”
“You should worry about Roberto. He only loves spreadsheets and accounting. Or worry about Adriano – that temper of his is going to get him in trouble one day.”
“…but Robertoknowswhat he loves… he’s always known, ever since he was little…”
“True,” I admitted.
“…and Adriano will mellow in time…”
I scoffed playfully. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“…but you… what do youlove?”
“I loveyou.I love being here withyou.”
“…that’s sweet… but when I’m gone… you need something else to love. What will it be?”
I sat there and thought for a moment.
I liked girls – but I’d only dated a few, and to be honest, I hadn’t come even remotely close to falling in love.
I liked being Uncle Fausto’s apprentice, but it was a lot of learning and studying with very little real-world application. So far.
And it wasn’t really that I loved the idea of becoming aconsigliere…
But there was definitely something about it… a fundamental thingbeneathit that fascinated me.
And just like that, I knew.
“I love the Game,” I said seriously.
“…chess…?” she asked with a frown.
“No. I mean, I like chess, yes… but I meant that I enjoy a contest with a worthy opponent. Someone to challenge me. Someone to pit my wits against. Someone who makes me sharper, stronger,better,just by playing them.”
She smiled in recognition. “…that’s a good answer…I hope you find her sooner rather than later, Nico…”
And she drifted off again into sleep.
She regained consciousness a couple more times in the days to come. A couple of times with my father and me, and once when all my brothers said their tearful goodbyes…
But not long after that, she was gone.
When she passed, I was crushed with grief. I had been mentally preparing myself for it for months… but when the time came, I realized nothingcouldtrulyprepare me. It was a dagger to the heart, and it felt like the pain would never go away.
It wasn’t her passing, specifically, that hurt so much.