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Yes, I do.I know.I pick up my phone again and call the one other person who can help me through this. The call is answered on the second ring. “Andrew?”

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hey there. I’m surprised, pleasantly, to hear from you.”

“I just wanted to hear your voice, talk to you about this miserable weather, or whatever else.”

“You don’t sound like your usual self. What’s going on?”

“I’ve been thinking about you, Dad, and Nick and Natalie.” I don’t care about my hair. I shuffle my fingers over it until bangs hang down. “I never saw myself getting married.”

“Not everyone does. Not everyone feels that need. Some people prefer to live alone, and some have partners. The beauty of life is that you get to decide how to live it. Do you remember what I used to say to you boys when you hit your teens and were driving?”

For as laid-back as Cookie is now, she worried a lot back then. “Don’t do anything illegal, be kind to others and yourself, and?—”

“Live the best life you can. Are you living your best life, Andrew?”

My fear of failing grips me, and I hold my tongue. Truth and honesty are the pillars of my friendship with Juni and the words that give me strength right now. My mom only wants the best for me, even at the expense of the company. “No.”

Her sadness comes through in a sigh. “How can you change that?”

“I don’t want to let you guys down.”

“You never have. Your happiness isn’t a disappointment to us. Being miserable because you think you have to sacrifice that happiness is. We never wanted one or the other. As parents, we all fumble the ball now and again, but we still want to help you reach the end zone, whether that’s carrying the ball or the team. It’s all a win if you’re happy.” It’s funny when my mom throws the random sports analogy into our conversations. She never grew to love the games, but as long as we were having fun, she loved watching us play.

She adds, “You’ve carried the team for a long time now, even before your dad retired. How about you let someone else run the plays for a while?”

“How so?”

“Leave Seattle, Andrew. Get out of there and go where your heart is happy. You always said it was LA, but I think that might have changed.”

“I never thought I’d like New York . . .” I leave that there to lie between us.

“You sure it’s the city you’re liking?” I knew she’d pick it up and run with it. And maybe I wanted her to. “I don’t know what it is with that city, and the women making the Christiansen men give it all up for them, but your heart knows its way home.”

That’s a big statement coming from her. My mom always wanted us near, even setting us up to always have a place to come back to—Nick got the beach bungalow when he got married, and the Beverly Hills home, the place where I grew up and where they live now, is in the will for me.

But she’s right about cities, and women, and the place we call home. She knows if I get on a flight tonight, I’m going to the East Coast.

“Mom, I have another confession.”

“Do I need to sit down?”

“I think you’ll be okay. You know your list? I didn’t complete it.”

Gentle laughter reaches my ears. “Oh honey, that list isn’t mine. It’s yours. Whether you complete it or not is up to you. What I wanted the most was for you to open your eyes to more possibilities around you. Maybe you only needed to mark off the items that were most important for your life to change trajectory.”

Two for two. Juni was a part of both of them.Juni’s entry into my lifehasdone exactly that.I just made a wrong turn. It doesn’t mean I can’t turn that back around, though.

It wasn’t just Rascal who knocked the breath out of me when he landed on my stomach; Juni stole it altogether.

Lying next to me after making sure everyone was back in their apartments safely after the fire. Sitting with Mrs. Hendricks telling me that Juni needs to spread her wings. They didn’t know, but she’d been doing that all along with me. From our friendship to a budding romance, she didn’t crack the door. She flung it wide open and invited me into her world.

I won’t discount that she took the job and made it look easy. She committed herself in so many ways that she doesn’t even see it. Is she living on the edge? No, but for someone who’s experienced so much pain, she still took the first steps and raised her wings.

“Mom?”

“Yes?” she replies, leading me to give more.