Page 77

“I’m pissed that she won’t let us explain.” I’m spotting Wyatt at the gym, and my comment is completely out of the blue, but he grunts out ayeahfrom between clenched teeth.

We’ve talked about her a lot over the past several days. There are also times when we don’t talk at all, but I know we’re always thinking about her.

Life is fucking empty these days.

I couldn’t give a shit about working out, but I keep doing it out of habit.

Making videos has lost all its appeal. I used to get excited about the number of likes and comments we received, but it seems pointless. It’s actually a source of irritation now.

Nothing in life is much fun anymore, and the contrast between before-Stella and after-Stella is astounding. I thought I was perfectly happy before I met her, but now I know what I’ve been missing.

If I had any doubts about whether I was actually in love with her, it’s all cleared up. Nothing but love could hurt this bad.

“She doesn’t need us to explain,” Wyatt says when he finishes his reps. “She knows she doesn’t want professional thirst traps as boyfriends, and especially not as father figures.”

“But we’re going to stop making those kinds of videos.”

Wyatt’s expression is grim. “Too little, too late. Maybe we should just stick to showing off our bodies, cracking jokes, and having fun. That’s all we’re good for.”

I start to argue, but he turns his back and heads to a machine, leaving me alone with my storm of thoughts.

Objectively, there’s nothing wrong with how we’ve been making a living, but we weren’t being true to ourselves, even before we met Stella. We went after easy money, when we should have put our time and effort into something we were proud of.

We need to get our life on the right path, and Stella needs to give us another chance.

CHAPTER58

STELLA

If there’s a silver lining to what’s happened, it’s that I now have plenty of time for my coursework. I’m ahead on my modules, actually, and completely on top of Community Bean’s customer service demands, because any time I’m not doing things with Jessie, I bury my head in my job and school work, so I don’t have to think about anything else.

Trying not to think about them goes just about as well as you’d imagine.

Jessie’s outside playing, and she sticks her head in the door to ask, “Mommy, when are we going to have dinner with Cam and Wyatt again?”

“I don’t know, sweetie. I think they’re busy.”Busy sleeping with other women,I finish in my head.

Working beside me in the kitchen, Marissa gives me a sympathetic look. She’s been doing her best to keep my spirits up. She even called in Ana for backup, and they both cheered my cold turkey approach to the men. No contact, no internet searches, no social media stalking. I’m very proud of my resolve.

When I get down about things, my friends reassure me that my romantic experience has been too limited for me to say that I don’t know how to choose good men.

“It happens sometimes, to all of us,” Ana said. “You just have to keep trying.”

I told her I will, after I get over Cam and Wyatt. What I didn’t tell her is that it seems like that’s going to take years.

“I’m hungry,” Jessie says. “When’s dinner going to be ready?”

“About twenty minutes. I’ll call for you as soon as it’s ready.”

“Okay.” She slides the door closed, and I try not to imagine why she asked about the neighbors. She probably heard them out in their yard.

I wish we didn’t have so many months left on the lease for this house, because I’d move just to put more distance between us. I swear I can physically feel their presence nearby, even though I haven’t laid eyes on them for weeks.

You’d think, after what they did to me, it’d be easy to stop thinking about them. They weren’t who they said they were. They knew I didn’t want to just play around with them, so they acted like they wanted a serious relationship, even though they were sleeping with other women—their own assistant, even.

It even crossed my mind to wonder if they have a sex addiction, but I decided they’re probably just lying jerks. There are so many of them out there.

Knowing they’re not good men should make it easier to forget about them, but it doesn’t.