Page 107

His certainty tugs on my heartstrings. “You don’t need to be afraid, Alex. But I get why you are. Because I am too.”

His throat bobs as vulnerability shines in his eyes. “Okay.”

I take his hand and squeeze it. “Okay.”

His lashes flutter as he peeks at me through them. Whoisthis man? He’s certainly not the person I knew back at Lindon. He’s…more.

“My best friend used to ask why I never give people a chance,” I tell him, settling into the mattress. “And I never had a good answer. I thought it was just who I was. To be cynical and distant. It isn’t like I dislike myself. I think I’m great.”

He snorts.

“It’s true! I know I’m not perfect, but I have a lot of good qualities. I think part of it has to do with how I grew up. Seeing my parents’ marriage dissolve and then my father go after people who didn’t like me very much…” Sadness settles into my stomach. “I don’t know. It makes me careful of who I let into my life. My mom was really hurt for a while. She barely dates now, and it’s been a long time since the divorce. Sometimes, I don’t know if I believe in love.”

His brows furrow. “But you told me you loved me.”

A fact that still hurts to think about considering the aftermath. “A life without love seems like such a sad existence. And if I can love my family and love my friends, then there has to be a romantic version of it. My mom and dad didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean that will happen to me.”

“Are you afraid it will?”

Rubbing my lips together, I rest my head down on the pillow and look up at him. “It sort of did once, when you let me walk away. And I’m working past that. I am. But that made me wonder what was really out there for me.Who.”

“I hate that I made you feel that way.”

I watch him and realize how much it actually upsets him that he hurt me. “I know. It’s not just you. It’s sort of hard not to question who you are and what you’re worth when your own father has a lot to say about your looks. That adds up.”

A dark look crosses his face. “No parent should make their child feel unworthy. Even on my mother’s worst days, she never made me feel that way. Helpless, sure. But not that.”

All I can do is swallow.

Because I can’t defend my father. I used to try, until I realized it was pointless. He had his opinions about me that I couldn’t change. To this day, I don’t know if he believes them fully or if the women in his life help form those opinions of me for him. It’s a tough call. The only thing that’s true at the end of the day is that my father may claim he loves me, but he has an awful way of showing it.

“One day, I’ll forgive him,” I murmur.

Maybe.

“It’s okay if you don’t,” he reassures. “If we only live once, shouldn’t we only keep people around if they’re going to make our lives better?”

Nibbling my inner cheek, I loosen a quiet breath. Because I know he’s got a point. But do I want to ice out my father completely? My parents are still alive. That should mean something.

“Strip.”

I gawk at him. “What?”

“Strip for me, baby girl.”

It’s hard to swallow. “Alex—”

He climbs out of bed and peels the blankets off of my body. “Do you remember what I told you earlier today about the things I first noticed about you?”

My throat bobs. “Yes.”

He climbs onto the bed on his knees, hovering over me. “Let me show you in detail what I notice about you. Take your shirt off.”

Nerves bubble under my skin. Why? I’ve been naked in front of him before. This is nothing new. It’s skin. Skin and…otherthings. Curves. Rolls. A blemish or two. But it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before.

So, I push past the nerves that threaten to tell himnoand sit up. He watches with focus as I peel the shirt up over my head and deposit it on the floor, leaving me in a sports bra that I wear to bed because it’s more comfortable than letting my boobs hang out.

“Good girl. Now the bra.”