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I followed Max back through the crowd to their bookie. The second I’d walked in, I’d marked where he was, but the longer Max spent with me, the less time he spent pawing Kate like an animal.

The bookie looked at me as Max shoved me forward unnecessarily. “Which side are you betting on?”

“My side.”

“He’s the next fight,” Max told him. “Wants to make a bet on himself, and I’m going to let him.”

The man couldn’t look more bored. “How much?”

“Twenty grand.”

He looked up at me. “Come again?”

“I want to bet twenty grand on myself.”

In my ear, Kate gasped. She knew what that meant. It meant that if I lost, I’d be getting the same kind of visit her brother had. But I had the money, and I wouldn’t need it. I could take whatever they threw at me, and I would win.

Max laughed. “That’s not what I thought you meant.”

“Is it going to be a problem?”

“Not at all. Just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into. Throwing away twenty k ain’t nothing.”

“I’m not throwing it away.”

He laughed again and clapped me on the shoulder. “Whatever you say. But if you lose, and it turns out you don’t have this money? You’re going to answer to me. Understand?”

Only for him, I put on a show of fear. Nervous energy. I swallowed. “I understand.”

“Good. Mark him down.”

I watched as the bookie did exactly that, along with my nameless phone number, and then stalked away toward the side of the pit opposite Kate to prepare myself. My confidence wasn’t false, but I also couldn’t afford to take this lightly.

In the arena, there were sounds I needed to block out, otherwise I was going to descend into pure rage. Actually, that wasn’t a terrible idea.

I’d spent a long time confronting the horrors that lurked in my memory. Months of torture were written on my body and in my mind. And I’d spent a lot of that time overcoming the violent impulses that those memories brought to me.

But other times they became too much to bear. In those moments, I usually ended up in the Resting Warrior gym. Sometimes Jude joined me in fighting that battle. Sometimes the others. Because as much as I’d mastered those memories, they were always, always fighting to get out of the box I kept them in.

Time to let them out.

Raucous cheers exploded behind me. The fight was over, and they were pulling the dogs back from each other. The smaller, calmer dog had won. That was why you never underestimated any opponent. It didn’t matter if they looked like they couldn’t beat you. There was every chance they could.

Exactly the way the man climbing into the ring was about to underestimate me.

“Got something special,” Max called out in my direction. “Newbie over there came in and wanted a fight. We’re going to oblige him.”

Cheers.

“Place your bets.”

The man that had already dropped into the pit was a giant. I wasn’t short, but he had probably four inches and easily fifty pounds on me. That didn’t bother me. I’d fought bigger men than him and won.

I stripped off my jacket, and then the shirt underneath it, letting my mind sink down into that place of darkness I worked so hard to keep it out of.

Gasps rippled through the crowd as they saw my scars. Let them look and wonder what the fuck I’d done to get them.

I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at Kate. This wasn’t the way I’d wanted to show her these. But nothing about this was what I’d wanted. I hoped that she would let me explain. And that once I did, she would still look at me the way she had this morning. Like I was someone worthy.