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I bumped into him with my shoulder. “Jerk.”

We sat in silence, listening to the soft waves of the lake hit the shore and watching the reflection of the crescent moon on its rippled surface.

“Do you ever wonder if Dad’s watching the sky at the same time as us?” I whispered, passing the joint back.

I thought I’d made peace with his absence years ago, but high school graduation and the start of college were real pivotal moments in a person’s life, and overhearing my friends talking about their dads helping them move into their dorms was making the male-parental-figure-shaped hole in my life harder to ignore.

“Fuck Dad,” Ezra spit. “And fuck Mom, too.”

I sighed. Ever since Ezra had hit puberty, something in him had changed and he’d decided that he hated Mom. Everything she did and said was wrong, and they fought constantly. He used to find her little quirks funny, like how she’d speak like she was from a Jane Austen novel when she was tired or tipsy, or how she would get frustrated with modern technology. But now he’d just insult and berate her.

Mom put on a brave face most of the time but I knew it was killing her that she and Ezra weren’t close anymore. He used to be a real mama’s boy.

“You need to get over this,” I said. “Mom’s done nothing but try her best for us.”

What could I say? I was still very much a mama’s girl, myself.

Ezra scoffed and shook his head. “You don’t know her like I do, Mar. She’s kept shit from us. She’s lied to us. It’s because of her I can’t even…” he stopped himself, taking a deep breath and turning to look out over the water. “Never mind.”

This again. This weird, angsty secret he couldn’t tell me. “Can’twhat? What is it that’s made you so mad at her? I just want to understand, because without knowing what you’re talking about, it just makes you seem like an overreacting asshole.”

We’d both stopped smoking at that point, so he put out the light and then placed the half-finished joint into an empty Altoids tin, handing it to me. “Here. I can’t exactly take this with me tomorrow. I have more in my desk you’re free to use as well.”

I refused to take it, crossing my arms and looking at him until he shrugged and put it in his pocket. “Suit yourself.”

“Quit deflecting. It’s now or never. Tell me exactly what Mom did or said to you.”

He looked down at his feet, nudging a small rock with the toe of his boot. “It’s not that I don’t want you to know, it’s just that… you wouldn’t get it. I’m not normal.”

I rolled my eyes so hard they nearly stuck. “Uh, newsflash— no one’s normal. We’re all just doing our best to play along and hope no one notices.”

Fireflies drifted by, their green lights slowly pulsing, calling out into the void in search of a mate to share the darkness. One flew close by, and I reached out my hand in the hopes it might land on me.

But my depth perception was off from the alcohol and weed, and it avoided me easily, going on its merry way.

“Well, I’mespeciallynot normal,” he finally said. “At least you can date people.”

My attention drew back to Ezra. “What the hell are you talking about? Do you have any idea how many awkward conversations I’ve had to hear from girls thirsting over you, talking about how big they think your dick is? Dude, you could have dated half the school if you’d wanted to. I mean, hello, Sarah much?” I asked, pointing towards the house.

He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “No, I really couldn’t have. I’m a freak, and it’s all Mom and Dad’s fault.”

Freak? I mean yeah, he was freakishly tall. And he growled more than the neighbor’s Rottweiler when he was ticked off. But otherwise, he was just my brother. “What? Is it like… too small? Oh my god, Ez, do you have a micropenis?”

I brought my hand in front of me and squished my thumb and forefinger together, my eyes crossing as I tried to focus. “Like this?”

Ezra laughed. “Jesus, you’re dumb. How the hell did you get into college?”

I shrugged, still trying to get my fingers to work.

“Not that it matters anyway,” he continued, running his hand down his face. “I’m leaving tomorrow, and I’m going to find people like me. People who will get it.”

I stretched and yawned, feeling my back crack. “I’m sure there’s a micropenis subreddit you could just join. Seems way easier and cheaper, if you ask me.”

He ignored my joke. “You really don’t feel it? Like we’re different from other people? Like there’s something buried inside you waiting to just burst out?”

“LikeAlien-style?” I laughed. I mimicked the classic scene with my hand, pretending to have it come out of my chest while mock screaming.

“No, idiot, I’m being serious right now.”