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“Sick again,” I say, chewing on a few kernels of popcorn, hoping to give me something to focus on for a few moments. The smell of his cologne wafts over me and it’s putting my inner soldiers guarding the wall I so carefully built to sleep. I stare at his hand on his thigh, silently willing him to toss it over my shoulder like we’re on a first date as teenagers.

Be strong. Don’t give in.

It’s as good of a pep talk as I can give myself right now.

“What movie are we watching?” Landon asks, his lips dipping low, so close to my ear that my whole body moves with a shiver.

“Um, I can’t remember the name.” I will myself not to look at him, to keep watching the characters on-screen. But it’s weird sitting this close to him after so long. It’s almost like things could easily go back to the way they were.

Except I’m not doing that. There’s a no-return policy on the receipt I gave myself after we broke up.

A part of the movie hits that’s really funny and the other couples laugh. But of course, my laugh comes out all stilted and weird.

“Do you remember that time we—”

“Yes,” I say, cutting him off. I remember just about everything from our time together, and I don’t care to relive it right now. Any memory he calls up will only weaken my defenses more than they already are.

Landon settles in and is quiet. I let myself feel bad at my curtness for all of a couple minutes before my mind replays the heartbreak I went through for months after he left me.

As a sort of peace offering, I tilt the popcorn container toward him and he gives me a small smile before taking a handful. There are no cliché moments of getting our hands trapped in the bucket, but our fingers brush several times.

I want to say I felt nothing, that the locks around my heart can’t be opened, but that’s a lie. There are zings and bursts of excitement and basically I’m back to middle school getting all mushy about a couple of touches. It’s a full-on Jane Austen novel here.

By the time the lights come on, I’m a tense mess. I’m sure my jaw will be sore tomorrow from clenching it so much.

“Do you want to walk around the deck with me?” Landon asks, and the vulnerability on his face makes it hard to say no.

“Sure.”

We ascend the stairs and walk out onto the deck, the sun well past the horizon. There’s a light breeze blowing the small wisps of hair into my face. I reach up to pull them back behind my ear when I see the sleeve of my sweatshirt. I glance down, seeing the joggers and I probably have a neon sign across my forehead that says #MenStayAway.

This is not how I pictured any of my interactions to go with Landon. I’m supposed to be dolled up and looking irresistible, not like I’ve been moping for the past year. I did look good in my new swimsuit at the pool, but a walk around the deck deserves an outfit that doesn’t have comfort in the title.

“You know, I think I’ll turn in. I’m tired and we’re supposed to dock tomorrow. Good night.”

“Are you sure?”

I nod, giving him a small smile before turning and fleeing to my room. I might’ve jogged and then sprinted to the finish line, in case he planned to follow.

“Hey,” Tiffany says once I make it into the room. I jump, not expecting her to be awake. She’s sitting up on the bed, looking as pale as a sheet.

“Are you okay?”

She gives me a quick nod and then swallows, blinking back tears. “So, I took your advice and visited the doctor.”

“What did he say?” My eyes widen and I step toward her.

Her hands are shaking in her lap, like she’s inwardly freaking out. “Well, before they could do any tests on me, he gave me a cup and told me to go into the bathroom. Apparently I’m pregnant.”

I glance down at her hands, expecting her to reveal a pregnancy test. “Really? No viruses or bacteria?”

“Just the kind that will arrive in about thirty-four weeks. The doctor says I’m six weeks along.” She bursts out crying while holding up a stick with two pink lines.

I’m not sure how to comfort her. Tiffany isn’t usually the one to cry; that’s my part in our relationship.

“It’ll be okay, Tiff. You and Drew are going to be great parents. You wanted to start your family soon, right?”

She glances up and tries to wipe under her nose with a small wad of tissue. I stand and head to the bathroom to grab some more. When I return, Tiffany is more under control than before.