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I do. I might’ve changed the outside appearance, but the girl inside doesn’t feel like much has changed.

Curling up on my bed, I try to take long deep breaths. As much as I’d love to just stay in this room forever, I’m going to have to leave at some point. Trey still needs his house put together and I don’t know if I can do that. Should I quit? I can remove myself from that situation and then just keep working at my dad’s house. I’ll get other jobs, right?

But there’s the final date. I’ll have to see Trey anyway and then avoid every friend group activity until the end of time. This is why I should have kept my heart walled off and continued on the path I was taking.

There’s a knock on the door and I don’t say anything, hoping whoever is outside will go away.

“Kenz?” Evie says, opening the door. “I heard you come home. Are you okay?”

I stare at the ceiling. “I think I’ll just become part of the bed here.”

Evie limps over, looking like she’s in pain. “You can’t just sit here. What happened at the game?”

“Why are you limping?” I ask instead, sitting up.

She gives me a small smile before she sits on the edge of the bed. “My leg started hurting a little bit ago. I’m thinking it’s just from sitting on it weird for too long. Tell me, what happened?”

“He knows I’m Mac. I don’t know how he found out, but it was like he was waiting for me to confess to it.”

“Is that such a bad thing? You’ve been worried about keeping that a secret for so long. Maybe this is good. There are no secrets between you two now. You can keep going forward.”

I shake my head. “I can’t face him again. Knowing he remembers the chubby girl with acne and glasses. It would be too hard.”

Evie laughs. “I seem to remember you taking Rachelle to a paintball arena to get over her breakup with Landon because she needed to do something uncomfortable. And you went into starting your own business with the confidence you can do it. That stuff is hard. I know. So be tough, and face him. Tell him you’ve liked him for a while.”

“But I don’t want to get hurt again. Donovan’s whole act obliterated me for a long time.”

“Did Trey do something similar? Did he look at you like scum because of who you used to be?”

“No.”

“Did he drop you off and say, ‘See you never!’”

“No. Wow, Evie, you’re kind of intense.” I laugh, wiping at a stray tear.

“Well, I have to be when I know my friend is about to make a mistake. Don’t give up on something so small. I know you’ve got so many feelings from growing up and trauma responses, but don’t let that stand in the way of your future. Go get Trey.”

I close my eyes, wishing that was a possibility. “We still have the last date. This one should be the closest to our match that we can get. So, I just blew my chance with him.”

“Who knows? Maybe you’ll get your fun date after all.”

If only that were true.

37

KENZIE

Ifeel like I got hit by a truck. Sleep evaded me completely and now I just want to fall over and sleep on the ground.

The producer called me to say that we are finishing the date and interviews today. I let Evie and Hillary dress me up, putting on makeup on me, while Millie bounced around trying to figure out who would be my next date.

The info text came in:

Bryce who loves swimming and anything outdoors.

I make it to the Love, Austen office where I have to endure the first interview all over again. At least my lips are a normal size this time.

There are so many questions that my head starts to hurt. Why can’t they just ask three questions and call that good? Then again, I tend to clam right up and get sarcastic during these times.