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“Archer?”
“I- I’m here.” And completely unsure how to respond. It’s too soon to say that, right? It’s only been two weeks. Some of the most intense two weeks of my life, sure. And I’ve spent more time with her than any other woman, opening myself up in ways I never imagined, put in situations I never dreamed of. But that doesn’t mean it’s… love. It can’t be. Marriage was never in the cards for me, let alone love.
“You don’t have to say anything back,” she whispers.
“No, no. It’s fine. I-” I suck in a breath, holding it for a count of five before I exhale. “I’m not ready to say anything like that.”
“I understand. Completely. No pressure.”
I nod, not that she can see me, and I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, the silence between us extending.
“Did I ruin everything?” she eventually asks in a voice so small, my chest flares with a sickening pull. God, I’m an idiot.
“Of course not. I’m sorry if that was too honest.”
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. It just kind of… happened.”
“Did you mean it?” I squeeze my eyes shut, immediately regretting the question. Why am I hellbent on prolonging this? It shouldn’t even matter if I’m not ready to say it myself. I care about her, yes, but how do you even know you’re in love? When you can’t stop thinking about someone? When you want to be with them all the time? When their happiness is your own? What’s the criteria?
“Yes. I know this is all brand new to you, but like I said, I’ve had a thing for you for a long time. And being with you the past couple weeks has only strengthened my feelings. I’ve been falling for you since day one.”
I swallow, my heartbeat pounding in my ears again. “I- I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.”
“Thank you,” I murmur. Jesus, that sounds lame, doesn’t it?
There’s silence again and I blurt out, “I should go. I have to get up early and I’m still jet lagged…” That’s a lie. I adjusted days ago.
“Yeah, of course. I’ll talk to you later. I- I miss you, Archer.”
I place a hand over my sternum, rubbing at the sudden tightness. “I miss you too.” There’s no guilt in saying that at least.
I disconnect the call and look down, my dick still hanging out of my pants, cum all over the bottom of my shirt. After a phone call like that, I should be riding high, body relaxed, endorphins flowing. Instead, I might as well be back to square one with Serena.
Fuck.
I strip out of my clothes and hop in the shower, the tub miniscule compared to my walk-in shower at home. But the size of the tub doesn’t occupy my thoughts as much as the disappointing way she’d told me I didn’t have to repeat those three words back to her, the remorse in her voice as she’d thought she’d ruined our relationship, the hesitancy as she’d told me she missed me.
It’s not like I could lie to her and tell her I loved her back. It’s too soon. It has to be too soon. I’ve never been in love. I don’t know how it’s supposed to be, what I’m doing, why-
I brace my hands on the tile wall of the shower, drawing in great lungfuls of air until I can take a proper breath. I nearly choke on the steam, but continue breathing in and out until I’m calm.
What I need to focus on is helping Connor out of this bind Dad’s put him in, and then I can figure out how to salvage things back in New York. Maybe the answer will be clearer in the light of day. Maybe I’ll come up with a way to explain myself more eloquently.
Or maybe I’ll find outIwas the one who just ruined everything.