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It went far beyond just the danger she would be in on a daily basis. The life I lived made it almost impossible to get to close to anyone. There was always this underlying fear that it would create a rift.

I watched what it did to my parents, the way it changed how my mother looked at my father. The deeper in he got, the further she pulled away. Until it got to the point she hated everything about him. I watched him try over and over again to please her, to try and make her see him as the man she had fallen in love with.

But this job changes you, no matter how strong you are.

My father was a family man, he loved my mother, he loved me. . . But he also loved the power that came with his line of work. Men would cower in your presence, they would go out of their way to kiss your ass. And the men we killed, well, if you were good, they never saw you coming. But for the ones we were given instructions to make suffer, the look in their eyes was satisfying.

I'd be a lying piece of shit if I said I didn't get high off that power too.

I am a fucking monster.

My mother stopped looking at father with love in her eyes. I couldn't bare the thought of Berlin ever looking at me the way she looked at him. There was this empty glare my mother had, one that made falling in love unbearable.

“For love?” Her eyes darted between mine, trying to understand.

Shaking my head, I looked up at the building. “Yeah.”

“You can't say it, can you?” Sitting up, she tried to force our eyes back together. “You can't even say the word.”

“It's a weakness, Berlin. It's not what people tell you, it's not full of smiles and laughs. There's hatred and pain, there are tears and heartache. And when it's gone, there's nothing but hurt that flows through every fucking vein. I don't want to feel that, and you don't either.”

Letting my eyes float back onto hers, her lips parted as she took in a slow breath. “If love was meant to be full of happiness. . . If it was meant to be easy—” Her voice fell soft, barely audible as she spoke. “We'd have no reason to fear it.” Pulling her hand free from mine, she opened the door and started to climb out of the car. “The only right thing in this fucking world is love. It's the one thing no one can control.”

Snagging her wrist, I yanked her back inside. I couldn't let her just walk away. Not like this, not pissed off and already forgetting what I had given her.

What I'm going to give her. Shit has to change, I have to change.

Wrapping my arm around her back, I pulled her as close as I could, pressing our bodies against the center console. My mouth hovered over hers, unwilling to let her go. Berlin peered up at me, her expression softening as we locked eyes.

“I can't give promises, but,” I said, running my fingers through her hair and holding her tighter, “this isn't the end of your story.”

“I've been living in the end for a long time, Salt. I'm ready for my story to finally begin.”

Driving my lips onto hers, I kissed her. I kissed her as if we were the only two people in the world. I kissed her as if I needed her to survive. I kissed her because I wasn't sure I'd ever have the chance to kiss her again.

I didn't want her to love me.

And I didn't want to love her.

Because I couldn't promise her that I wouldn't break her heart.

I was about to go to war for her, and there was no guarantee I'd come out alive.