Page 61

“There. All sun-creamed up. No penetrating UV rays for me. Happy, mother?” Her smile at Mabel was teasing, and Mabel shook her head with a chuckle.

“Go on then, off with you. I’ll be at the allotment when you get back – got your key?”

Petra jingled her keyring in response, and I tried not to let my stomach drop. Mabel had already given her a key? Was she expecting this to be a long-term thing?

“I’ll see you later, then.”

Petra smiled at her again, then stepped out the door towards me. Her smile, while still affixed to her face, almost imperceptibly lost its authenticity.

“Hello, Jean.”

“Petra.”

Silence. I was aware of Mabel watching us, however, so I motioned over my shoulder with my head. “Shall we walk?”

“Of course,” she said, and led the way.

Neither of us said anything on the way down to the beach. We passed several people we knew though, and Petra gave them smiles as if to say See? We’re fine. We’re together, and everything’s fine. I tried to do the same, but the movement of my facial muscles felt foreign to me, as if I’d used up all my smiling muscles at work the previous day. I’d been prepared for a happy reunion full of laughter and kisses. Not this silence. Not this coldness.

It was only my shocked gasp and the thud of my bag on the sand that broke the silence when we got to the bottom of the beach steps.

“What?” Petra said, freezing to the spot.

“Your arms.”

She followed my gaze. Her arms were covered in healing scratches and what seemed to be puncture wounds. I immediately remembered Cass’s and Heather’s expressions the first time they’d been to see me. And the way they’d said Petra was ‘a bit fragile’ and ‘in a bit of a state’. Surely they didn’t mean…

“Oh,” she chuckled. “That’s Dobby. Mabel’s cat. He’s taken a disliking to me – as he has to everyone except Mabel and Felicia – and this was the result. Two weeks’ worth of maulings. I think we’ve turned a corner now, though. He let me pet him last night.”

“I see,” I said, although my mouth was dry. Now she looked up at me.

“Surely you didn’t think that I…”

“No!” I jumped in immediately. “No, I just… I didn’t know what to think.”

“I’m not that unstable.” The sudden bite to her voice made me jump, and I glanced around to check that nobody was close enough to hear.

“I never thought you were,” I hissed. “But this situation’s been shit for both of us, and it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that-”

“It is for me,” she said. “I’ve never self-harmed in my life. I thought you knew that.” She exhaled, then looked at her arms again. “I can see why you’d get that impression, though.”

I exhaled too, and felt the atmosphere between us soften.

“Shall we walk a bit further along?” she gestured with her head. “Away from the crowds?”

A nod was all I could manage and I picked up the bag containing the picnic blanket before following her. Her head was high and her posture akin to a ballerina’s in dignity… and tension. When I caught up with her, I had the strongest urge to take her hand, but I stopped myself. That wouldn’t be appropriate just yet.

“Will this do?” she croaked after we’d been walking for about five minutes.

“Absolutely,” I said, and turned back. The village was a mere dot on the horizon. Perhaps we’d been walking for longer than I thought. I unfolded the rug and flicked it out, and we both sank down onto it. Petra took another deep breath, clasped her hands together on her knee, and turned to me.

“Jean, I’m sorry that I took up smoking again.”

“And I’m sorry for reacting the way I did. To smoke is a personal choice, and nobody deserves to have their personal choices beaten down into a pulp like that. That said…” Now I paused while I considered my words. “It is a deal-breaker for me. You knew that right from the beginning, and it still is. A deal-breaker.”

“I know,” Petra said immediately. “I know it is. And I’ve quit. Or I’m in the process of quitting. Cold turkey. Mabel took all my cigarettes off me the day after I got to hers. Coral disposed of them – that’s one of Felicia’s alters. And it’s been surprisingly difficult, but it’s kind of forced me to re-evaluate… things. Even more so than I had been doing already.”

“Why did you start smoking again?”