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The room goes silent briefly before erupting, the loudest voice being Knot. “No. Absolutely not. Your job is not worth putting yourself in such a questionable position.”
I hold Knot’s stare, sensing that even though he’s protective, the man is torn. He knows what’s at stake as well as I do, so I give him an out. “We all know it’s not just my job in jeopardy, but an entire industry. And you know more troops will die in their pursuit to shut us down. We have to stop them.”
“You’re not doing it, Chelsea!” Jackson roars, shoving out of his chair.
“Look around you, Jackson. Remember that planned ambush in Bulgaria? Harding and his rat set up your team to die. Had that been a real mission, your team would be dead. You or someone else will be sent out with PMCs again, only they won’t know where to look. If we can prevent another massacre, I think we should do whatever it takes.”
Jackson shakes his head. “I know what you’re doing. You’d give Harding your body to prove your commitment to him,” he accuses, pointing to Knot, “but no one here needs that kind of proof. You’re not doing this. I won’t let you.”
Embarrassed that the deepest, darkest part of me is now exposed, I lash out in anger. “It’s. Not. Up. To. You. Just because we fucked, you think you can run my life.”
Jackson rushes me, and no one attempts to stop him. “Just because I made you feel something, you think you have to destroy us.”
“Knock it off!” Knot thunders. “The answer is no, Chelsea. This company is not worth what it would cost you, and I don’t want that on my conscience. And since we’re still officially under contract for this mission, you’ll obey orders. Now, we’ve got to work on a plan for our next steps. You two, take your shit outside.”
“No, sir,” I say through gritted teeth. “We’re fine.”
Jackson growls, “Like hell we are.”
He bends to throw me over his shoulder and storms from the room.
Jackson
Wide-eyed onlookers gawk as Chelsea beats her fists against my back, demanding I put her down. I ignore them all and crash through the door, going to the only place in this unfamiliar building where we can have some privacy.
I tighten my grip, and Chelsea doesn’t let up, stopping short of hurting me for real, just like I knew she would. Chelsea doesn’t hurt people. Well, didn’t until offering herself up to become Harding’s whore.
I shove through the stairwell door, eyeing the spot where I introduced Bash to the block wall. After lowering Chelsea to her feet, I cage her against the wall in the same place. “You can’t do this.”
Chelsea rolls her eyes. “The point is moot, but I’m confused. What part of this would be your decision?”
Never in my life have I felt such rage. It’s turning me inside out. “First of all, stop trying to piss me off. It won’t work the way you expect. Second, those people do not need you to throw yourself on a grenade to prove your value. In case you’ve missed it, they already respect you. When will you accept that?”
Chelsea’s eyes well up, and she slams her hands against my chest. “Stop it! You think you know me, but you don’t.”
“You’re wrong. I see you. I know you better than anyone, which scares the shit out of you.”
“I’m not afraid of anything,” Chelsea snarls.
I roar right back. “You’re afraid of being abandoned, but you’re not alone. Those people upstairs would die for you.” Jabbing myself in the chest, I yell, “I’m falling in love with you. And I’ll protect you from yourself until you believe it.”
Chelsea goes still until I drop my head to take my frustration out on her mouth. She shoves to the side to evade me, and I grip her shoulders, bringing her back. “Stop it, Chelsea. Stop pretending it doesn’t feel good to have someone looking out for you. Stop acting like you haven’t wished for someone like me to see you. And for fuck’s sake, stop wasting time fighting this. You wouldn’t only be hurting yourself. You’d be hurting me, too.”
Chelsea’s expression shows a great miscalculation on my part. She is afraid of being alone but even more scared of finding something real just to lose it. “So this is about you now?”
Stop, man, she’s backed into a corner. I should listen to the voice, but I don’t. “No, this is about you thinking so little of yourself that you would deny yourself a shot at love. That you would rather shred your soul than risk your heart again.”
Those beautiful eyes turn feral. “Maybe you don’t understand because you can’t comprehend that level of commitment.”
Chelsea’s face slackens in instant regret, but the arrows have already been fired. I drop my defenses and let them hit home. You should have listened to the voices, dumbass. “You know what, Chelsea? You’re exactly right.”
I shove off the wall and leave before I open my mouth and burn the whole place down.
Every step I take toward the exit screams that I’m a hypocrite. I told Chelsea I wouldn’t be walking away. I wanted to reassure her that we all have faults and that hers weren’t a dealbreaker.
I never expected her to torpedo our tenuous connection. Maybe I should have. Maybe Chelsea’s more damaged than I thought. Maybe she’s not capable of trust. As much as I wish I did, maybe I don’t care. My heart is hers now, and I can’t take it back.
My escape from the building spits me out near the helipads. The two Romeos that brought us here sit waiting for the trip home. I’d love nothing more than to get away from this place, but I couldn’t, even if my truck was parked in the lot. Technically, we’re still deployed, and jetting now would risk being listed as AWOL.