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“Don’t.” God! What was I doing? “Please, be yourselves. I feel like I have to do this. For me, for Bennett.”

To truly move past all my hang-ups, I had to see this, even if I didn’t truly understand it. I wanted this experience with Bennett. I wanted to know what he saw at Luminous, what turned him on other than my body. I was suddenly desperate to know everything about him.

This life was part of it, even if he told me he didn’t need it, something had drawn him to Luminous. Something kept him returning.

“We won’t then, but if it becomes too much, I’ve been instructed to tell you to say ‘hockey’ and everything will stop, and if you decide to leave the room, I won’t be offended.”

“Hockey?”

She grinned and shrugged. “Don’t know, it was just a word Simon came up with.” She reached out and squeezed my hands that had somehow knotted themselves together in my lap. Her touch was cool but calming, unlike the blood thrumming in my veins. “Do you need a few minutes?”

“Yeah, can you send Bennett in?”

She stood from the bed. “He’s been waiting outside.”

“Thank you, Chloe. I really appreciate this.”

She opened the door to the bedroom and barely cleared the doorway before Bennett pushed inside and shut the door behind him. “You doing okay?” he asked, walking to me. He scooped me in his arms and settled me on his lap. “We can stop this, anytime.”

A part of me wanted to. The other part of me couldn’t.

I settled my head on his shoulder. “It’s all happening so fast.”

“It’s just watching. You get uncomfortable, we can leave. Remember? Go home, never mention it again.”

There was a tightness in his voice, something that told me he really wanted this. Not so much watching Simon and Chloe, but experiencing this part of his life with me. I wanted to be the kind of woman who gave him as much as he gave me.

“No. I want to do this, you know? I’ve always wondered, perhaps before I realized I was curious I still wondered about it.”

He stood from the bed and settled me at my feet. “Okay then, let’s do this.”

With his hand on my lower back, he led me out of the bedroom and down the hall to the opposite end where I knew Shawn and Miranda’s playroom was. After the first time I’d seen it, they’d always taken care and kept the door closed when I visited. While I appreciated their thoughtfulness, tonight I stepped over the threshold into the room trying to gather any courage I could find.

It was useless. My knees wobbled as I took in the room. A large X-shaped device in the corner, what looked like a massage table. Implements like floggers and crops and various sizes of canes hung on the wall. In a dresser, drawers were opened and on top, there were some nipple clamps and plugs laid out.

I skipped over that, ignoring the memory of last night when Bennett put clamps on my nipples. Mine hardened at the memory, though.

Clamped and bound by him, I’d been mindless. He’d driven me insane and proven that some of these things were completely pleasurable even with the pain.

Shawn and Miranda were sitting on a couch, glass of wine in her hand, another beer in his. He had his arm draped over her shoulder like they were settling in to watch a romantic comedy.

I froze in my spot. I was doing this, but there was no way I was relaxing like they did.

“You doing okay?” Bennett asked, whispering in my ear. Standing behind me, he wrapped his arms around my stomach and held me to him.

I nodded, unable to speak. In the very center of the room, Simon and Chloe were standing. He had his head dipped down, whispering in her ear. With her back to me, I couldn’t see her expression but based on her posture, she was completely comfortable. Simon lifted his gaze, met mine for a moment and then looked to Bennett.

Whatever silent approval Bennett gave made Simon nod.

“They play at Luminous occasionally,” Bennett said. “They’re used to this and in a few moments, she’ll totally forget we’re here. If there’s anything you want to see done, ask. I can guarantee you won’t suggest anything they haven’t done. Okay?”

“‘Kay.” God, I could barely speak.

I also couldn’t pull away from watching the two of them. My cheeks burned as Simon’s hands went to the front of Chloe’s robe. He pushed it off her shoulders and it fell to the floor.

Bennett stayed behind me, his hands at my stomach, holding me still, and whispering explanations as to everything I was seeing.

I couldn’t remove my eyes from the couple in the middle, the obvious passion and respect Simon had for Chloe, or the undeniable connection they had as she dropped to her knees in front of him. Completely naked, she was entirely unashamed we were watching her. Her body flushed, but she moved confidently as Simon walked in a circle around her, whispering words I couldn’t hear, but ones she’d respond to.