Page 48

Night has fallen, and there’s no update on Ruin’s whereabouts. I scratch my beard as I think of where she could be. I’ve called all of my contacts around town, and no one has seen her. It’s not like her to go out and not let any of us know if she’s going to stay out longer. I don’t want to bring it up with the family because I don’t want them to call me obsessive and crazy.Again. I had enough of that when Dad’s accident happened. “Oh, River, it was an accident. That doesn’t mean we all are going to have accidents, too.” I remember Miles saying as I checked his car brakes. I did it for all of my siblings every day for a year after Dad’s passing.
Mama and Granny had to give up on driving because there’s no way I’d let them drive by themselves anymore. And since Merlin was just starting high school, I’d drop him off and pick him up. I became their chauffeur, and although it was exhausting to do it on top of the orchard chores, it was the only way I felt good enough with myself to sleep at night.
“What’s the matter, son?” Mama asks as she pats my cheek with her warm and soft hand. I smile at her as I release a deep breath.
“It’s about Ruin, isn’t it?” My shoulders sag in defeat as I bow my head.
“Yes, Mama. I’m freaking out. She’s not back yet, and it’s snowing again.” Mama makes small, soothing circles on my back as she takes a seat next to me.
“Oh, River. You need to let your guilt go, son. We all miss your father every day. I’ll love him until I breathe my last breath, but life goes on. We can’t let guilt and remorse take place in our hearts.” Mama says it with such tenderness that I start to cry.
“It was my fault, Mama. He asked me to help him check the brakes, and I did a crappy job.” I cry harder as the memory of Dad giving me a thank-you hug before climbing into his truck hits me with a truckload of guilt.
“I was married to your father for twenty-five years and dated him five years before that. There’s no doubt in my mind that he never thought—not even for a second—that the accident was your fault. He loved you so much, River. He loved your siblings as well, of course. But you, River, were his little buddy ever since you were born.” Mama hugs me, and I cry on her shoulder, letting her words comfort me. It’s not the first time she’s said them. We’ve had many conversations like this since Dad passed away, but I’m starting to think I’ll never hear them enough.
“Thanks, Mama,” I say, wiping my face and giving her a wobbly smile.
“Any time, son.” She kisses the top of my head and gets up to help Granny, who’s calling for her.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and a cold shiver runs down my spine. It’s an unknown number, but something tells me I need to pick it up.
“Hello?” I say, silently praying that this phone call isn’t about Ruin.
“Is this River MacAllister?”
Fuck. Here we go.
“Yes, this is him.”
“We found your information listed as Ruin MacAllister’s emergency contact. She had a car accident and has been admitted to Highlands Regional Hospital in Asheville.”
“I’m on my way,” I say and disconnect the call. “Fuck!” I yell so loud, I feel the house shaking underneath my feet.
Miles and Merlin come rushing into the studio, eyes wild—a mix of curiosity and panic in their gazes.
“Ruin was in an accident,” I say, passing by them on my way to the mud room to put my boots and jacket on.
“What? What do you mean?” Merlin asks, pulling his hair and walking in circles. Miles is nowhere to be seen—I’m sure he’s in shock.
“What’s going on?” Rain and Mama come in next. Mama has a hand on her chest, and I don’t want to look her in the eyes and tell her that I was right. That Ruin is in a fucking hospital.
“Ruin is in the hospital,” Merlin says out loud, and I hear Mama’s painful sob before she collapses. Merlin and Rain hurry to help her as I silently wipe a tear off my face. I need to put on my big brother hat and go check on Ruin.
“I’m coming with you.” Rain gets up from the floor, and Merlin carries Mama to the living room.
“The hell you will. I need you here, taking care of Mama and Miles. I think he’s in shock.” Rain grabs my arm and directs her sharp gaze to me.
“And I have to take care of them because I’m a woman? Fuck that, Ruin is my twin. Merlin can take care of them.” I sigh, knowing there’s no way I’ll make Rain change her mind.She and Ruin have that spiritual twin bond that’s beyond comprehension.
“Fine, hurry up,” I tell her as she gives me a grateful smile. I head to the studio, looking for Miles, but he’s not there anymore. I check the kitchen next and find him preparing the kettle for some tea.
“Rain is coming with me. Please take care of Mama.” Miles nods, and I head toward the door.
“River,” Miles calls me back. When I turn around, he has a sad smile on his face. “Be safe.”
I give him a smile and a nod in return.
Rain is waiting for me by the door. We’re both quiet, nervous energy surrounding us.