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The need to release, to let off all this energy, to finally feel something more than pain gurgled in the back of my throat. Anger huffed through my mouth as she took me deeper, sucking hard. Not even noticing him anymore, I stared at the blue hair, trying to force myself to imagine Kek, to make her the focus of my fantasy. To let myself for one moment believe she was alive again, it was real, and I was happy.

I let myself believe, my drugged mind placing Kek with me, yet my body didn’t respond. It wasn’t working.

Fury bloomed under my skin. “Suck harder,” I gritted, the girl doing exactly what I asked, gagging on my size. I could feel a prickle in my spine, a possibility of release, making me frantic.

I grabbed her wig and ripped it off, tumbling her brown hair around her shoulders and over my lap. My cock surged as my fingers laced through it, my brain flickering with images of teeth digging into my neck, the memory of spread legs, heaving chest, and wetness soaking through my pants, burning my skin.

My cock pulsed. I pushed her down harder, her lips and tongue strangling my cock, seeing another brunette working my cock with her mouth, her green eyes peering up at me, her cheeks flushed pink.

“Oh, fuck…” A groan clawed at my chest, my cock down this woman’s throat. My eyes shut, feeling her swallow, my mind picturing someone else choking my cum down like the good girl she was, her bright emerald eyes watery with the abuse, her gaze filled with heated desire.

Serenity popped like a balloon, dropping me painfully back to earth, realizing what had just happened. Who I had thought of. Burning shame and disgust launched me into nothing but cinders, making me feel sick.

“Get off.” I pushed the girl away, scooting out of the booth and away from them. The drugs plunged into my system the moment I stood, spinning the world around me like a merry-go-round. Stumbling and banging into walls, I came to the third-floor landing and stopped.

Air lunged in and out of my lungs. My thoughts were like wasps I couldn’t catch, but I could feel each sting.

I didn’t want to be downstairs, but I couldn’t go into the room with Scarlet either.

Falling against the wall, my blurry gaze lowered. My cock still hung out of my pants, the girl’s saliva coating it.

Repulsion. Guilt. I felt them all again, but this time for different reasons. It was the first time I had ever felt dirty for what I did, making me want to crawl out of my skin, scrub my body down, and block the memory.

I wobbled to the side, not able to stand. I was itchy. Gross. And smelling like a whore. I tore off my clothes in the hallway, staggering to the shared bathroom.

The water trickled from the showerhead as I washed my body and hair, things tweaking around me, the chemicals brashly echoing through my system, tilting reality on its side. Normally I craved this feeling, loved not being tied to reality, but tonight it made me want to peel my skin off.

As if I could still smell the cheap perfume from the whores, I scoured harder, needing to wash it all away, including my own thoughts. Though my mind was set to torture me, recalling the times the three of us showered together.

Gods… we were so fucking happy.

I leaned under the stream, a cracked noise rising from my soul. I was so lost without them, and even though they were gone, I could feel them leaving me again. Their memory, their presence, laughs, smiles, voices… losing them felt like I was losing myself.

“I’m so sorry,” I muttered, as if needing their forgiveness for thinking about someone else. Like I was replacing them, which terrified me. “I miss you both so much.”

Fuck. I was tired. So fucking tired.

Stepping out of the tub, I noticed the door wide open. A woman gasped as she darted by, a door slamming behind her.

I barely recalled where I found a towel, staggering down the hall toward the thing I knew could provide what I wanted.

I need to sleep.

With the drugs taking out all logic or understanding, forgetting any shame I felt earlier, I almost fell into the room at the end of the hall.

A form lurched up from the bed in the corner, her bright, wide green eyes illuminating the dark. The same eyes I imagined earlier peering up at me.

“Ash?”

“Shhhh.” Tottering over to the twin bed, I crawled onto it.

“What are you doing?” Scarlet watched me, her voice pitching.

“Sleep,” I mumbled, wriggling in behind her.

“You can’t sleep here,”

“Shhhh.” My eyes closed, my arm wrapping around her waist, pulling her down.