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I give him a small smile. Joy fills me. I’m glad he thinks that way. It’s not even a conscious thought, really. I’m just attuned to them. I get it. I understand.
“What happens when weallneed her?”
Johnny asking questions is a good thing. It means he’s beginning to think instead of being outright dismissive. Hope blooms in my chest.
Oscar rolls his eyes. “I guess you’ll have to actually spend time with the rest of us.”
Johnny narrows his gaze. He wipes his hand on a napkin and sets it back down again, watching it shift back into a position that isn’t crumpled. “Listen, I know I’m hesitant about this, but I also see how good you guys are for her. How good she is for the rest of you, too. I just want to think about every aspect.”
“Family,” I say. “That’s what it would be like.”
Johnny swallows. “I would like that, actually.”
The room quiets. We all know it took a lot for Johnny to admit that. Especially in front of these guys. He hasn’t always had a problem expressing his feelings in front of me, but he has in front of them. I slide my chair back and get up. I pass Oscar and go to Johnny. He accepts me onto his lap, carefully. I definitely don’t want to re-injure him. Oscar grumbles something under his breath, but that’s just him. He’s not really mad. I’ve seen Oscar mad. If he’s still being sarcastic, he’s not mad.
“I’d like that, too,” I say.
Johnny cups my face, then brings my hand to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. My heart tap dances in my chest. It may be me, but I believe we’ve just broken another barrier with Johnny Rocket.
20
By the time the next day rolls around, all of the quiet and sense of belonging we’d found with one another on the previous day slowly fades. We’re awoken by Johnny’s phone ringing, a shrill alarm in the early morning hours of the peace we were able to achieve. Johnny’s muscles tense, and from that first moment, I realize that what we’d all worked for last night is now gone. We’re on K’s time again. The perimeter of our bubble has burst. Our facade cracked. We’ll be together at the end of all of this, but we need to cut off the cancer, and right now, that cancer is Kingston Marx.
Johnny runs his hands through his dark hair and throws the phone down on the bed. Johnny and Oscar slept next to me on Oscar’s bed while Magnum and Brawler took the floor. For all of Johnny’s talk about it being awkward, everyone just kind of fell into place in those spots like it was as natural as could be. I’m not delusional enough to think it would stay that way if Oscar and Johnny always get to sleep next to me, but at least this first night of cohabitation went well.
Oscar stirs with a grunt. Magnum has been awake for a while, and Brawler and I have been holding one another’s hand for the last half an hour, mine dangling off the very edge of the bed and his holding fiercely to mine.
The door to Oscar’s room opens, and Magnum appears. He’s already dressed in his tactical outfit, ready for the day. I can’t see it, but I’m sure he has his gun slid into the waistband of his pants, ready for anything that might come up.
Johnny yawns, his black hair sticking out in every which way. “We have to get to the tower.”
“Meeting?” Magnum asks.
Johnny nods. Then, he gazes around the room, stopping to stare at each one of the guys, including me. “All of us.”
This must be the big meeting Magnum alluded to yesterday. We’re all in this now, and we’re getting pulled deeper in by the day. “Do you know what his plan is?”
“Not exactly,” Johnny says.
The taut lines of his jaw says that what he does know, he’s not excited about. Yesterday, we were able to put all of this to the side and enjoy the day, but today, it all comes crashing back on us. It’s the moment the water recedes just before the huge tsunami devastates cities.
An overwhelming sense of fierce protection surges inside me. I squeeze Brawler’s hand one last time and then scoot toward the end of the bed. I start pulling clothes on over the bra and underwear I slept in and then pull my hair up in a ponytail. Around me, the guys start getting ready, too. None of us are going to let anything happen to each other. They couldn’t even kick me out of this plan if they wanted to. Whatever they’re involved in, I’m involved in.
After grabbing a quick bite to eat in Oscar’s kitchen, we head to the car. Johnny, Mag, Brawler, and I get in while Oscar follows on his bike. On the way there, there’s no talk at all, let alone the kind of talks we shared yesterday. There’s nothing about getting to know each other or telling stories about our holiday traditions. Right now, we’re all business, and I’m sure the guys are feeling the same as me. Big Daddy K will want to retaliate swiftly and quickly. He’ll use us to do it. Not himself. He used me already when he wanted to kill Roza Fonz. Since Gregory took his people and stole his business, he’ll want to take care of him just like Dunnegan. The only problem is, Gregory will be harder to take down because he’s already made a move against us. He didn’t just show up at a predetermined spot—a dinner or a fight—where K can easily whip his gun out and shoot him. This time, it will have to be a mission. A plan set into motion where the end result is the same, but the risk to get there is much greater.
I’ve only been involved in the Crew for a short amount of time, but it’s not hard to decipher how things work here. Even if I didn’t know anything about their operations, Johnny’s mannerisms would clue me into what’s about to go down. He’s sitting ramrod straight in the passenger seat of the car. He’s barely moved since he first got in, and he’s staring out the front windshield without seeing anything. I’d love to pick his brain about his father right now, to see if we’re any closer to me telling him what I want to do. Part of me thinks I’ll never be able to get Johnny Rocket that much on my side. Part of me thinks if I go through with what I’ve always planned on doing that he’ll want nothing to do with me.
That’s this life, I guess. One bad decision leads to another bad decision. It’s up to me what I want to do if it comes down to that.
Magnum nods at the security personnel in the underground booth of the parking area. We pull into the usual spot by the elevator, and Oscar kills the engine in the spot next to us. All around the area more cars are parked than I’ve ever seen here before. I swallow hard, realizing this will be big. Bigger than the dinner I was asked to attend when K took Dunnegan’s life. Bigger than any other Crew thing I’ve been involved in before.
Johnny finally turns in his seat as soon as Magnum pulls into the spot. “Don’t say anything,” he says. “No one. Don’t offer up anything. Don’t agree or disagree. Just sit there, and only talk if you’re directly asked a question.” He gazes over at Brawler. “If you’re asked to do something, you have to say yes no matter what it is. If you refuse to do something on this level, it’s not even your ass on the line, it’s your life. You understand?”
Brawler nods, and a new deep-seated fear takes over. This would be the perfect time for K to use Brawler. He still has initiation tasks to get through, so he’ll be asked to do something worse. We’ll just have to take the wait-and-see approach, which I’ve never liked. Unfortunately, I’m not the one pulling the strings in this instance, and neither are the rest of the guys.
We get out of the car, and Oscar joins our group. We take the elevator up together, and Johnny and I naturally slip into our boyfriend-girlfriend role. I don’t know how K will react if he finds out I’m seeing all of these guys, but I have a feeling it wouldn’t end well for Johnny. He’d probably see it as a personal affront. A lack of masculinity on Johnny’s part, and a total, complete disrespect on the others.
Johnny holds my hand steadily, pressing the pad of his thumb against my knuckle to help keep me as calm as him. I gaze at his profile, and I can’t help but be in awe of him. Here’s a guy who’s lived through so much stuff, yet he’s come so far.