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Chapter Eleven
Devin
Taye was up early. It was unusual, given the recent progression of her depression, for her to be up at five-thirty in the morning. But I took it as an opportunity to talk, and hopefully, clear the air between us. We’d been going at it lately, so I braced myself for an argument, but I still went to her with an open heart; and thoughts of Avonte on the backburner.
She was sitting at the dining room table drinking coffee when I found her.
"Mind if I join you?" I asked, and pulled a mug from the cabinet. She shrugged her shoulders. "Taye, we need to talk."
"I really don’t feel like it, Devin."
"I know, honey, but we need to."
"So, talk then."
"Taye, you know I love you."
"Is this where you tell me that you’re leaving me?"
"Don’t be ridiculous or sarcastic. I didn’t come to you to argue."
"So, what exactly do you want?" She looked at me with no emotion.
"I want us to be like we used to be. We used to love to be around each other. We used to look forward to touching each other after a long day of tedious work. We used to make love."
"Is that what this about? I told you that you can take it whenever you want."
"Take it? I don’t want to take it. I want you to want to make love to me. Don’t you want to feel the heat and passion that I have for you, Taye?" I knelt down in front of her. "Don’t you want me to love you like you deserve to be loved? We can get through all of these hard times. Remember for better or for worse?"
Taye laughed lethargically.
"For better or for worse; and can it get any worse than it is right now?" I said softy, but Taye still heard me.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked.
"I mean, can you think of anything worse than what we have going on right now?"
She got up and went into the kitchen to get another cup of coffee.
"Yes," Taye said, and turned around abruptly.
I was afraid to ask what would be worse. "Living without you, Taye. I swear, you mean everything to me. I need to be desired by you as much as you are by me. That’s what husbands and wives do."
"Now we’re back to the sex thing. I tell you, you’re so predictable, Devin." That offended me, and I wondered if she could predict, that since the day I met her, I wanted to lay with her, make love to her, kiss her lips—both of them, and taste her juices.
"Taye, any other man would leave you."
"Is that what you want to do, Devin? Leave?"
"No. That’s why I’m talking to you. I’ve been trying to talk to you and be here for you, but you keep shutting me out. I’m human, Taye. Damn it!"
"And so am I. But right now, I can’t. I have so much healing to do, and you need to give me that time and space to do so."
"And what am I supposed to do in the meantime?"
"Well, you said it, for better or for worse. Be my husband if you love me so much." She went back to the dining room table and took a seat.