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“Yes, well, that’s how it is.”
“Ya ponimayu.” I understand.“I’ll make sure not to bother you too often then.” His voice was chillingly polite.“Da svidaniya.”It was a formal form of goodbye, followed by the sound of the Russian billionaire ending the call in a click.
When I lowered my iPhone back on the table, Alyx burst out, “What the hell was that?”
“It’s better this way, isn’t it?” I muttered. “I’ve become too dependent on him, and you two know it.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” Anneke asked, bewildered. “You two enjoy each other’s company—-”
“In more ways than one,” Alyx added.
I glared at my cousin. “ALYX!”
“But it’s true,” she argued. “Haven’t you ever heard of friends with benefits?”
I snorted. “Tell me that when you’ve done it, too.” For all her bold talk, Alyx was a virgin as much as I was and we both knew it.
“Well, if I had a friend as yummy as Sergei Grachyov, I wouldn’t let those benefits go to waste. Unfortunately, I don’t.” She looked at me pointedly. “But you do, and I think it’s stupid that you’re pushing him away for no reason.”
“It’s better this way.”
And I kept telling myself that, day after day. A full month passed, and it was the longest that Sergei and I had neither talked nor seen each other, and it was like having the sun stop shining on me. Yes, it was dramatic, but it was exactly how I felt.
The nights were the worst. To my utter shame, I tried relieving my loneliness by touching myself. But this time, my fingers were no longer enough. I even tried fantasizing about him, but it still didn’t work. I couldn’t make myself come.
In a moment of absolute weakness, I succumbed to another urge. A pretty package in black was delivered to my doorstep one Friday night, and I couldn’t make myself look into the delivery guy’s eye as I scribbled my signature on his ledger.
When he left, I hurried to my bedroom, pulled the blinds shut, and closed the lights before unwrapping the package in the dark.
The feel of it was strange but familiar, and I couldn’t help gulping at what I was about to do.
My first ever vibrator,I thought numbly.
Was this right or wrong? Was this an act of women empowerment or me sinking to the lowest of low? I had no idea. All I knew was that this might be the only way to forget him.
Pulling the covers over me, I placed the vibrator beside me before undressing myself. My nakedness made me shiver self-consciously, but I deliberately pushed all my worries away and forced myself to concentrate on how I was already anticipating what I was about to do.
I wasexcited,and that was a good thing. For the past month, I had been living like a zombie, and this was the closest I felt to being alive again.
Reaching for the vibrator, I allowed my legs to part under the covers, wider and wider and wider, until my insides began to ache and my folds began to swell at the delicious pressure I had put myself in. I closed my eyes, and to my shock an image of Sergei Grachyov suddenly filled my mind, vivid and powerful.
This was bad. This was good.
Either way, it was too late to stop myself.
In my mind, it was the Russian billionaire who had parted my legs open, and my lips parted in a soundless moan as I imagined Sergei running his dark gaze over my naked body. My flesh trembled, my folds becoming wet, and I knew it was time.
My hands trembled as I attached the sex toy to my tiny, throbbing nub of flesh.
Click.
As it started to vibrate, I squeezed my eyes shut more tightly, my lips parting in a silent gasp.
Sergei.
In my mind, it was Sergei behind the powerful vibrations, and my body arched off the bed in a sensual shudder.
Oh God.