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Istood in my bathroom mirror, laying my baby hairs as my sister bounced her ass to Megan Thee Stallion. I’m still not sure how I let my baby sister talk me into going out with her. She was used to living like a fucking City Girl and I was used to working and living a normal ass life.

“You know he giving his money to Megan. He knows it’s very expensive to date me,” my sister, Merci sung as she snatched the comb from me to help lay my hair. “Bitch I swear if it wasn’t for me, you would be lame as fuck. You really need to get your fucking life tonight. Don’t take your ass in the club and babysit your damn drink. All this ass you got, I want you to shake that shit like you used to do with my brother-in-law.”

Just the thought of my baby daddy made me cringe. I wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere right now.

“Look, it’s been two years. It’s okay to have fun Syn. Now open your mouth and drive the boat, bitch.”

“Girl hell no. I got to drive and you already lit.”

“Okay, more for me.” She threw the bottle of crown back.

My sister Merci did hair at my salon where I cut hair. It was some weird shit I caught on to in the hood. It started with my daddy hair, and he would go hang on the block where everyone was asking who cut his hair. The next thing I knew; I was cutting so much hair my mama had to make me pay half the damn light bill because it had doubled. I took that traded and capitalized off it. I was the best female barber in Atlanta.

Merci was bad with the frontals. She had my shit so laid; it looked like the shit was coming straight out of my scalp. I was pretty and all, but I wasn’t into a lot of the girlie shit my sister was into. Being around niggas all day made me become laid back. They respected the fuck out of me, and I liked that more than them being thirsty over a big booty female barber.

“Are you wearing that?” Merci asked as I threw the ripped jeans on the bed.

“Umm yea. What the fuck wrong with it?”

“I mean it could work because they tight but what kind of shirt your ass wearing?”

“I was thinking about this one.” I showed her a graphic tee.

“Oh, hell nah. I knew it was going to be some ole baggy ass shit. Put this crop top on so your tattoo under your titties can show.”

“See, I ain’t with this type of shit.”

“For one night, I want my sister to have a good time with me. Pretty please,” she pouted.

“Aight,” I said defeated.

We finished getting dressed and headed out the door to the club. In the city, the club didn’t shut down until late. It was already close to midnight, and I lived an hour from the city. Withall that I had went through, being in the city brought too many memories. I packed all my shit up and moved my ass out to Sandy Springs.

The Mansion was one of the hottest clubs in the city. Most of the celebrities and Instagram models visited this place. It wasn’t my vibe but Merci was on her Instagram modeling shit, so she was on every scene. I trusted that she was going to take care of me tonight so here I was feeling naked as fuck with a pair of tight ass ripped jeans and shirt that was barely covering my nipples.

An hour in the club and I was lit. Between the D’usse and Hennessey, I was damn near seeing double. My car was probably going to get towed because there was no way I was going to be able to drive after this shit. All the dancing I was doing; I knew for sure my shit was going to be sore in the morning. At the moment, I didn’t give a fuck. I was having the time of my life and everything that I stressed about was gone. I had this one nigga that just wasn’t leaving my side all night. He was cute and chocolate so he could hang around for a while as long as he knew after the club, he was taking his ass home alone. The last thing I remembered was Merci pouring some Henny down my damn throat. Everything after that was a blur.

My eyes fluttered a few times before they adjusted to see the man on the side of me. I begin to panic when I noticed I was in a hotel room. The strange man was sleeping so good; he didn’t feel me get out the bed. All his chains, money and cell phones were on my side of the bed. I was tempted to grab a few of the blue hundreds that had spilled out of his pockets, but I wasn’t hard up and I damn sure didn’t want a nigga looking for me about a few hundred dollars.

I few things came back to my memory about last night. From how my legs was feeling, I must’ve had an awesome time. The bulge in the white sheet further let me know that I was going to be hurting later and I needed to go home and soak. His fine assapproached me last night and wouldn’t let me go. As far as our sexual encounter, it was vague. I hated that, because he was nice looking. Too bad for him that I wasn’t going to be here when he opened his eyes.

I slipped my jeans on so fast and threw my shirt on without waking him up. I took another glance at the fine ass nigga in the bed, he was my type, but I wasn’t in the place where I could deal with a man right now. As I grabbed my purse and phone, I was relieved to find the empty condom wrappers on the floor. At least we weren’t that damn drunk that we didn’t use protection. I was going to kill Merci when I got home. This bitch left me with a stranger, knowing that was something I didn’t get down with. I got in my car and sent her ass a long text to tell her how I felt. Thankfully it was Sunday, and I didn’t have work because my pussy was sore, my legs were aching, and my head was banging from all the alcohol I consumed. The only thing I wanted to do was shower and crawl in my bed.

When I left Decatur, I thought I left everything behind but every time I walked in my house the presence of my man was there. The shit sent chills down my spine. Many nights I would cry just thinking about him and my son. It’s been two years, and I still couldn’t get over the fact that someone was so cruel that they gunned my son and baby daddy down. I’ll forever love him for trying to shoot back to protect our son.

I dropped my purse at the door and leaned against the door. The picture I kept of my son stared me in the face. He was only five. I could still remember what he put on that day. He loved Superhero’s and he begged me to let him wear an outfit I bought out of Target. It wasn’t a big deal to me, but it was a big deal to my baby daddy. He always wanted him to wear some shit that didn’t matter. That same outfit he begged to wear, was cut up and full of blood from them trying to save his life. If they would’ve got there a few moments sooner, he would still be alive.

For two years, I battled with anxiety attacks. They never caught the muthafuckas that did it which made me uneasy. And every day I opened my eyes; I wondered would they come for me. I never got into my baby daddy business and I wasn’t sure what the shootout was about, but if I could go back to that dreadful day and make them stay home, I would. The only way I got over it, was working. I loved cutting hair and spent long days and nights throwing myself into my work to deal with my heartache. People often tell me I don’t act like I lost my child and the love of my life. I did all the crying I was going to do. I pushed it to the back of my mind so I could function. Days like today though, were hard.

I stripped and showered before I slipped into a depressed ass day. Popping a Tylenol pm, I climbed in bed and flipped through my sister Instagram and was ashamed of some of the shit I was doing last night. Nothing was degrading but it was the alcohol that had me shaking my ass like I was doing. Merci had a post of her laid up with a nigga in the same hotel I had just left. I was feeling a little better now that I knew she was safe. I placed my phone on the charger and took my ass to sleep.

I woke up a little after to seven to my sister talking loudly. Throwing my cover off, I put my bedroom shoes on and I went into my living room. She was pacing the floor arguing into the phone. It appeared like she was on FaceTime or live. Once I got closer, I noticed her ass arguing with a bitch on live. I snatched her phone from her and ended the live.

“What you did that for?” She snatched the phone back.

“I’m sick of you on that shit arguing with them fake pages. Where the hell you been all day?”

“Chilling with one of my niggas.”