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He closed the gap between them, seizing hold of her hands, panting hard with frustration and dismay. “There is no lover, Sophia. You have been my only. I would swear to every God I know, current and ancient, even if it leads me to blasphemy, that I have no affection for Lady Elspeth or any other woman.” His voice hitched. “Samuel said it to drive a wedge between us, and you have let him.”

“So, you don’t have a mistress?” she asked in earnest, peering up at him with wary eyes.

“No! I’d cut out my tongue before I besmirched my family name like that.” His eyes fell on that strand of hair again, his fingertips itching to touch it.

“Well, don’t do anything so rash as that,” she said coyly, biting her lip. “That would be a true tragedy.”

Chuckling in the back of his throat at her saucy remark, Thomas raised a hand and swept the curl of her hair into the rest of her wavy locks. He could hear that her breathing had become shallow, her cautious eyes shining in the faint moonlight that filtered through the hatched windows.

“If you don’t have a mistress, then why have you been avoiding me?” she murmured.

Thomas felt the pain in her voice. He had hurt her. She had given herself to him as much as he had given himself to her, and he had… shunned it like it was a tainted gift. Though, in truth, it had been the most magical moment of his life.

He gathered his words, the slight amount of punch in his blood finally giving him the bravery he needed. His defenses, after a week of staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep, had completely crumbled.

“Because it hurts, Sophia. Because I know I shouldn’t feel what I feel for you, but I can’t help myself, and it’s like having a horde of ancestors on my back, berating me, turning something wonderful into something… guilt-ridden.”

Thomas wanted his words to come out mean and with vitriol, but instead, they were coming out with a soft and sweet cadence. He couldn’t stop himself. He was a dam that had broken.

“Because I see your face when I close my eyes. Because I spent the week worried sick about you, and I had to tell myself every waking hour to not care. And I failed. I cared. I cared so much, and I can’t do that. I am not supposed to. I hate that I care, and I hate…”

He wanted to say “you,” but he shook his head.

No more lying.

Sophia was staring at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

He continued. “I should hate you for being independent and not caring about the rules, but I don’t. I should not care whether you laugh at someone else’s jokes, but I do, and it splinters me asunder. You make me soft… when I shouldn’t be.” He raiseda hand and held her face. He felt her hand reaching up and cupping his cheek in response. “I hate that I can’t hate you.”

Thomas kissed her with all the fire that had been building during the week of her absence, and she met his kiss in kind, pulling him to her, pressing herself against him.

This wasn’t a favor gone wrong; this was the real thing. Two creatures of pure, red-blooded passion finally breaking the bonds that had been holding them back.

Never again will I listen to any heart but my own.

“Wait… wait, wait, wait,” she gasped, pulling back. “We can’t do this.”

He frowned, hiding his disappointment. “I can lock the door if you are worried someone might come in.”

“No, it is not that,” she urged, a strange excitement crossing her face. “If we are ever to be happy, if we are ever to… find our way to each other, then there is something we must do. SomethingImust do.”

“What must we do?” Thomas raised an eyebrow, bewildered by the sudden change in her demeanor.

She rose on her tiptoes and kissed him once more. “I will tell you tomorrow. I have to take the carriage somewhere now—but don’tworry, I’ll be perfectly well, and Iwillreturn to you tomorrow, so don’t you dare have another sleepless night because of me.”

“Sophia, I can’t let you go somewhere alone,” Thomas insisted.

She flashed him a grin. “When have I ever let you stop me?” She gave his hand a tight squeeze. “Trust me, Thomas. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that, she darted away, leaving him in a curious state of confused frustration. He had all but confessed, and now she was running away from him again, making him wonder if this was how she had felt when she found that wretched note.

“I trust you,” he whispered.

He had no choice

CHAPTER 28

“My Lady!” Gwen looked up from her dusting pan as she saw Sophia burst through the door and smiled. “Goodness, I haven’t seen you in forever!”