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“I’ve thought a lot about it. I want to keep it as a farm with horses there as part of the recovery process. Since it would be a charity, it would be low cost for the participants. I still have a lot of questions about how to set everything up legally, but I think it’s going to happen.”
“That’s amazing.”
“If Elliot had gotten better help, he wouldn’t have hurt that other family. Clearly, the community needs more help in that area. It’s a better usage of the land than a shopping center.”
“I think it’s wonderful, Kane. That means so much to me. My life was turned upside down when I found out Elliot was using. He would have benefited from the kind of place you’re thinking of starting.”
“Have you thought about what to call it?”
“I want to name it after my grandfather.”
Tears welled up in Sariah’s eyes. “I love it. Your grandpa would be so proud of you. Have you told your grandma about this yet?”
“I told her this morning.”
Sariah looked up into Kane’s dark eyes. “I love you, Kane. You’re an amazing guy.”
He bent down to kiss her, pressing his lips to hers tentatively. She kissed him back eagerly, savoring each moment like it was her last. Because it probably was. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to be around him again. Her insides were being torn in two. She warred with herself. Couldn’t she just get over her fear and allow this man into her life?
She didn’t know how to do it. The fear was too overwhelming. But that fear would be the end of her. She was going to lose this man. She could feel it. But she was powerless to stop the train wreck from happening. She pulled away. “I’m sorry, Kane. I can’t do this. I wish I could, but I can’t.”
He put his forehead to hers and sighed. “This is so hard. I don’t know if I can keep putting myself out there, Sariah. I feel like you’re pulling me in two different directions.”
“That’s because I feel that way myself.”
“I’m trying so hard to be patient and understanding, but you’re killing me here.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to move on.”
“I wish you would fight harder for us,” Kane said.
Tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m trying, I really am.”
Kane sighed. “Don’t cry, Sariah. I’m just frustrated. I don’t mean to take it out on you. That’s the last thing I want.”
She wiped away the tears brimming her eyes.
“I’m not giving up completely on us, but sometimes I wonder if I’m an idiot to keep pursuing something you don’t seem to be fully invested in.”
“I’m sorry I’m making this so hard on you. It’s hard on me too. Maybe I just need to sort this all out in therapy.”
“I’m not going anywhere if you’re telling me there’s hope for us,” Kane promised, stroking her arm.
It felt amazing to savor his touch. “We don’t have to make a decision today, do we?” Sariah asked.
“No, I guess we don’t.”
But eventually, he would give up on her, and thinking about it shattered her heart.