Page 9
Story: Handling Haven
“So why the fuck did you call and ask for me to come?”
Before the other man could answer, Jordyn held up her hand. “This isn’t the place for this discussion. Babe, why don’t you take Frisco across the street for lunch? Meanwhile, my bitch of a friend is about tohave a ‘come to Jesus moment,’ right before I kick her ass. Enough is enough.”
Her jaw was clenched as she gave Frisco a pat on his shoulder, then pushed her way into the room.
“Come on.” Carter gestured toward the elevators. “I’m buying.”
He snorted as they started down the hall. “It’s the least you could freaking do.”
Five minutes later, they were sitting in a booth at the bar of a TGI Fridays. A pretty, blonde waitress smiled at the two men as she took their order. A few months ago Frisco would have been all over her, flirting and asking her out, but since India, there was only one woman he wanted to see, and she’d just thrown him out of her hospital room.
Once they were alone, Carter leaned forward and crossed his arms on the table. “I’m sorry about that, but I was afraid if I warned you, you wouldn’t have come.”
The man took a deep breath and let it out. “Do you know what Dominants and submissives are?”
His eyes narrowing, Frisco replied, “Like in BDSM? Yeah, I’ve heard of it. A few Deltas are into it, and I know Ian Sawyer and his brother own a club down in Tampa. He told me if I was ever in the areato stop by and see the place, but it’s not my thing. What’s it got to do with Haven and why I’m here?”
“It’s not for everybody, but it’ll hopefully help me get my point across. There are different levels in the lifestyle, and each couple negotiates the terms of their relationship. But no matter what, it’s a Dom’s job to make sure their sub gets what he or she needs, and that may not always be in sync with what they want. There’s a high level of trust needed between the two of them. You’re interested in her, that’s plain to see, and I’ve gotten the impression it’s more than a passing fantasy. While neither one of you is in the lifestyle, you could use the theory behind it to help her get past this funk she’s in. She needs to let go of her anger and fear, stop overthinking everything, and realize she’s still a desirable woman who can still do things most people can. She needs a reason to take a step forward in the right direction.”
Carter paused as the waitress came back with their frosty mugs of tap beer. He winked at her. “Thanks, darlin’.” As she walked away with a blush across her cheeks, he shook his head in disbelief. “Jeez, I’ve been in Texas, on and off, for six weeks, and I’m talking like freaking Egghead.Shoot me now.”
“It’s infectious. When I go home to San Francisco, my buddies all make fun of my twang.”
Carter smirked before continuing. “All right, back to Haven. I assume you know the seven stages of grief.” Swallowing a mouthful of beer, Frisco nodded. “Shock or disbelief, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, and finally acceptance and hope. Well, Haven is stuck on those first three stages. I was hoping if she saw you as a human being and not just someone to blame for what wasn’t your fault, she’d start getting past it. She really is a sweetheart, but this has her spiraling out of control, and I’m afraid she’s going to find a way to end it all.” He shrugged. “I’m not sure I’d react any differently in the same situation—being an operative is all I know. And in our agency, there are very few friends and even fewer family members, if any, to rely on in situations like this. But Haven’s refusing to even try to get on her feet again. It’s like she feels this is her penance for something. What, I don’t know. Like most of the agents at Deimos, including myself, her past can’t be connected to her present. As far as anyone who knew her before she came to us knows, she’s dead. She was given a new name and background history. The only two people, that I’m aware of who know of her life back then are McDaniel andthe agent who trained her. Unfortunately, Luis Benito is dead.
Having been a part of the black-ops community for the past few years, Frisco wasn’t surprised Haven wasn’t her birth name, but it did make him even more curious about her. Not that it did him any good now.
“Anyway,” Carter continued, “the only person Haven hasn’t gone off on over the past two months is Reardon—he calls her a few times a week. From what I hear, he’s dealing with his own misplaced guilt about what happened that night. He’s the only one Haven puts on a front for—pretending everything is hunky-dory when it’s not. Everyone else is subjected to her wrath. My boss has already located a house for her nearby that’s wheelchair accessible, but until she’s able to take care of herself with little assistance, she’s going to be bedridden. Jordy and I have been doing everything we can, but she’s fighting everyone. I don’t know what else to do.”
As the man stopped to take a drink of his beer, Frisco pondered everything he’d said. “Well, I doubt my visit made a difference. You obviously heard her throw me out.”
“Maybe. But maybe itdidmake a difference. It may not have been what she wanted,but, instead, what she needed—and it might take a bit for that to sink into her thick skull. Just don’t hate her for what happened back there, because if she does finally reach that last stage of acceptance, she might want to make amends. And I think that’s something you’ll need, too.”
Frisco doubted that would ever happen, but a kernel of hope was planted in his heart. He just wished it would see the light of day sometime in the future.
“I cannot believe you.Are you out of your goddamned mind? Wait, don’t answer that, because it’s obvious to everyone around you that you are.”
Dropping the shirt into her lap, Haven rolled her eyes. “Go away, Jordyn. I’m not in the mood for you right now.”
“Well, too fucking bad.” She tossed her small purse on an empty visitor’s chair. “Unless you can get out of bed and kick me out of this room, you’re stuck with me, because I sure as hell am not going to leave like that poor guy just did until I’ve said my piece.”
Haven’s eyes blazed with rage. “That’s a shittything to say to someone who’s paralyzed! Don’t you think I want to get out of this bed?”
“No, I don’t.” Jordyn took two steps forward, crossed her arms over her chest, and cocked her hip to the side. “If you really wanted to get out of that bed, you’d be down in the physical-therapy gym every chance you got, doingeverythingyou could to get back on your feet again. All I see here ...” She gestured to Haven’s broken body lying on the mattress. “... is someone who’s given up, wallowing in self-pity. I see someone whoI knowcan kick ass suddenly rolling over and playing dead. It’s fucking pathetic, Haven, and as of today, I’m not going to stand by and watch you spiral down into a pit of destruction. Until you get off your butt, literally, and start taking your life back, I’m done, and so is Carter. We want to be here for you, but I refuse to be treated like a piece of shit, nor am I going to watch you treat anyone else that way. That man ...” She pointed to the door. “... that heroic, yet incredibly sweet man was the first one running across that lawn to get to you. He even beat Ian, who was hauling his own ass to cover your six and get you and Kenny out of there. You begged Frisco to leave you and let you die. How fucking dare you do that to someone like him ... or anyone else, for that matter? Frisco’s not some wet-behind-the-ears kid trying to play Superman. He’s lost teammates on the battlefield—had them shot and killed two feet away from him—watched them get blown up in the Humvee directly in front of the one he was in.” It wasn’t surprising Jordyn knew his background. If he’d been allowed into Haven’s room, someone had to have cleared him.
“No one survived in the vehicle he wassupposedto be in. Because of a damn joke, he ended up in the other one. He grieved, and then he got his ass back in the game so their lives were not taken away in vain. He’d give anything to have his buddies back again, and you ...youturn around and beg him to leave you to the same fate they didn’t have a choice about! How fucking dare you put him in that position? He risked his life for you and Kenny, and then he held your hand the entire chopper ride to the ship and wouldn’t let go until he had to when you were passed off to the surgical staff. And he’s been worried about you ever since, according to his teammates. He didn’t shoot you, and I’ll be damned if I allow you to blame him for anything.”
Jordyn shook her head as if she’d come to a sad conclusion. “You know what? You’re not the person I thought you were. I remember watching Luis Benito train you. No matter what he threw at you, youworked your ass off until you had it down pat—hand-to-hand, shooting, the obstacle course, everything. Luis must be rolling over in his grave right now, disappointed about how his favorite protégé just gave up when the going got tough. If you want to continue having a pity party for the rest of your life, don’t invite me, because I’m fucking done. Call me if you decide to return to the land of the living.”
Without giving Haven a chance to say another word, Jordyn grabbed her purse, spun on her heel, and stormed out of the room. The sudden silence that filled the air, as the door slowly closed behind her friend, grew more oppressive as seconds and then minutes passed. For the first time in Haven’s life, she felt truly alone, and that was saying a lot considering she had no family left and few friends. Her gaze fell on the T-shirt still in her lap.Wake up, kick ass, repeat. She took a deep, shuddering breath and let it out while staring out the window.
She wasn’t sure how much time had gone by before the door swung open again and her lunch was brought in. The young woman, whose name tag read Shanell, eyed her warily, and Haven realized she was waiting to be bitched at for something. God, you’ve been a real ass to everyone.
The hospital employee carefullyput the tray down on the second bedside table Haven had insisted on, since her laptop was always on the other one, and wheeled it over to the bed. Before she could move away, Haven reached out and grabbed her hand. Startled, the woman’s eyes went wide. Haven tried her best to put a warm smile on her face. “Thank you for bringing my lunch. I’m sorry I’ve been a bitch to you and everyone else. It’s not fair to any of you.”
Shanell’s shoulders relaxed, and she squeezed Haven’s hand. “It’s okay. You’ve been through a lot. I hope this means you’re ready to get better.”
“I hope so too.”
Before the other man could answer, Jordyn held up her hand. “This isn’t the place for this discussion. Babe, why don’t you take Frisco across the street for lunch? Meanwhile, my bitch of a friend is about tohave a ‘come to Jesus moment,’ right before I kick her ass. Enough is enough.”
Her jaw was clenched as she gave Frisco a pat on his shoulder, then pushed her way into the room.
“Come on.” Carter gestured toward the elevators. “I’m buying.”
He snorted as they started down the hall. “It’s the least you could freaking do.”
Five minutes later, they were sitting in a booth at the bar of a TGI Fridays. A pretty, blonde waitress smiled at the two men as she took their order. A few months ago Frisco would have been all over her, flirting and asking her out, but since India, there was only one woman he wanted to see, and she’d just thrown him out of her hospital room.
Once they were alone, Carter leaned forward and crossed his arms on the table. “I’m sorry about that, but I was afraid if I warned you, you wouldn’t have come.”
The man took a deep breath and let it out. “Do you know what Dominants and submissives are?”
His eyes narrowing, Frisco replied, “Like in BDSM? Yeah, I’ve heard of it. A few Deltas are into it, and I know Ian Sawyer and his brother own a club down in Tampa. He told me if I was ever in the areato stop by and see the place, but it’s not my thing. What’s it got to do with Haven and why I’m here?”
“It’s not for everybody, but it’ll hopefully help me get my point across. There are different levels in the lifestyle, and each couple negotiates the terms of their relationship. But no matter what, it’s a Dom’s job to make sure their sub gets what he or she needs, and that may not always be in sync with what they want. There’s a high level of trust needed between the two of them. You’re interested in her, that’s plain to see, and I’ve gotten the impression it’s more than a passing fantasy. While neither one of you is in the lifestyle, you could use the theory behind it to help her get past this funk she’s in. She needs to let go of her anger and fear, stop overthinking everything, and realize she’s still a desirable woman who can still do things most people can. She needs a reason to take a step forward in the right direction.”
Carter paused as the waitress came back with their frosty mugs of tap beer. He winked at her. “Thanks, darlin’.” As she walked away with a blush across her cheeks, he shook his head in disbelief. “Jeez, I’ve been in Texas, on and off, for six weeks, and I’m talking like freaking Egghead.Shoot me now.”
“It’s infectious. When I go home to San Francisco, my buddies all make fun of my twang.”
Carter smirked before continuing. “All right, back to Haven. I assume you know the seven stages of grief.” Swallowing a mouthful of beer, Frisco nodded. “Shock or disbelief, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, and finally acceptance and hope. Well, Haven is stuck on those first three stages. I was hoping if she saw you as a human being and not just someone to blame for what wasn’t your fault, she’d start getting past it. She really is a sweetheart, but this has her spiraling out of control, and I’m afraid she’s going to find a way to end it all.” He shrugged. “I’m not sure I’d react any differently in the same situation—being an operative is all I know. And in our agency, there are very few friends and even fewer family members, if any, to rely on in situations like this. But Haven’s refusing to even try to get on her feet again. It’s like she feels this is her penance for something. What, I don’t know. Like most of the agents at Deimos, including myself, her past can’t be connected to her present. As far as anyone who knew her before she came to us knows, she’s dead. She was given a new name and background history. The only two people, that I’m aware of who know of her life back then are McDaniel andthe agent who trained her. Unfortunately, Luis Benito is dead.
Having been a part of the black-ops community for the past few years, Frisco wasn’t surprised Haven wasn’t her birth name, but it did make him even more curious about her. Not that it did him any good now.
“Anyway,” Carter continued, “the only person Haven hasn’t gone off on over the past two months is Reardon—he calls her a few times a week. From what I hear, he’s dealing with his own misplaced guilt about what happened that night. He’s the only one Haven puts on a front for—pretending everything is hunky-dory when it’s not. Everyone else is subjected to her wrath. My boss has already located a house for her nearby that’s wheelchair accessible, but until she’s able to take care of herself with little assistance, she’s going to be bedridden. Jordy and I have been doing everything we can, but she’s fighting everyone. I don’t know what else to do.”
As the man stopped to take a drink of his beer, Frisco pondered everything he’d said. “Well, I doubt my visit made a difference. You obviously heard her throw me out.”
“Maybe. But maybe itdidmake a difference. It may not have been what she wanted,but, instead, what she needed—and it might take a bit for that to sink into her thick skull. Just don’t hate her for what happened back there, because if she does finally reach that last stage of acceptance, she might want to make amends. And I think that’s something you’ll need, too.”
Frisco doubted that would ever happen, but a kernel of hope was planted in his heart. He just wished it would see the light of day sometime in the future.
“I cannot believe you.Are you out of your goddamned mind? Wait, don’t answer that, because it’s obvious to everyone around you that you are.”
Dropping the shirt into her lap, Haven rolled her eyes. “Go away, Jordyn. I’m not in the mood for you right now.”
“Well, too fucking bad.” She tossed her small purse on an empty visitor’s chair. “Unless you can get out of bed and kick me out of this room, you’re stuck with me, because I sure as hell am not going to leave like that poor guy just did until I’ve said my piece.”
Haven’s eyes blazed with rage. “That’s a shittything to say to someone who’s paralyzed! Don’t you think I want to get out of this bed?”
“No, I don’t.” Jordyn took two steps forward, crossed her arms over her chest, and cocked her hip to the side. “If you really wanted to get out of that bed, you’d be down in the physical-therapy gym every chance you got, doingeverythingyou could to get back on your feet again. All I see here ...” She gestured to Haven’s broken body lying on the mattress. “... is someone who’s given up, wallowing in self-pity. I see someone whoI knowcan kick ass suddenly rolling over and playing dead. It’s fucking pathetic, Haven, and as of today, I’m not going to stand by and watch you spiral down into a pit of destruction. Until you get off your butt, literally, and start taking your life back, I’m done, and so is Carter. We want to be here for you, but I refuse to be treated like a piece of shit, nor am I going to watch you treat anyone else that way. That man ...” She pointed to the door. “... that heroic, yet incredibly sweet man was the first one running across that lawn to get to you. He even beat Ian, who was hauling his own ass to cover your six and get you and Kenny out of there. You begged Frisco to leave you and let you die. How fucking dare you do that to someone like him ... or anyone else, for that matter? Frisco’s not some wet-behind-the-ears kid trying to play Superman. He’s lost teammates on the battlefield—had them shot and killed two feet away from him—watched them get blown up in the Humvee directly in front of the one he was in.” It wasn’t surprising Jordyn knew his background. If he’d been allowed into Haven’s room, someone had to have cleared him.
“No one survived in the vehicle he wassupposedto be in. Because of a damn joke, he ended up in the other one. He grieved, and then he got his ass back in the game so their lives were not taken away in vain. He’d give anything to have his buddies back again, and you ...youturn around and beg him to leave you to the same fate they didn’t have a choice about! How fucking dare you put him in that position? He risked his life for you and Kenny, and then he held your hand the entire chopper ride to the ship and wouldn’t let go until he had to when you were passed off to the surgical staff. And he’s been worried about you ever since, according to his teammates. He didn’t shoot you, and I’ll be damned if I allow you to blame him for anything.”
Jordyn shook her head as if she’d come to a sad conclusion. “You know what? You’re not the person I thought you were. I remember watching Luis Benito train you. No matter what he threw at you, youworked your ass off until you had it down pat—hand-to-hand, shooting, the obstacle course, everything. Luis must be rolling over in his grave right now, disappointed about how his favorite protégé just gave up when the going got tough. If you want to continue having a pity party for the rest of your life, don’t invite me, because I’m fucking done. Call me if you decide to return to the land of the living.”
Without giving Haven a chance to say another word, Jordyn grabbed her purse, spun on her heel, and stormed out of the room. The sudden silence that filled the air, as the door slowly closed behind her friend, grew more oppressive as seconds and then minutes passed. For the first time in Haven’s life, she felt truly alone, and that was saying a lot considering she had no family left and few friends. Her gaze fell on the T-shirt still in her lap.Wake up, kick ass, repeat. She took a deep, shuddering breath and let it out while staring out the window.
She wasn’t sure how much time had gone by before the door swung open again and her lunch was brought in. The young woman, whose name tag read Shanell, eyed her warily, and Haven realized she was waiting to be bitched at for something. God, you’ve been a real ass to everyone.
The hospital employee carefullyput the tray down on the second bedside table Haven had insisted on, since her laptop was always on the other one, and wheeled it over to the bed. Before she could move away, Haven reached out and grabbed her hand. Startled, the woman’s eyes went wide. Haven tried her best to put a warm smile on her face. “Thank you for bringing my lunch. I’m sorry I’ve been a bitch to you and everyone else. It’s not fair to any of you.”
Shanell’s shoulders relaxed, and she squeezed Haven’s hand. “It’s okay. You’ve been through a lot. I hope this means you’re ready to get better.”
“I hope so too.”