Page 91
As Circe had once said, “It’s not a sacrifice if you don’t feel it.” And all of us had been way too happy to die.
Aside from the four of us, Matthew still lived. Sometimes I thought I’d felt his presence in my mind, as if he was checking on me.
I’d told him, I know why you killed us. We forced your hand. But he hadn’t answered.
I didn’t know how I felt about him. Had he gone to bed the night before the battle knowing that my husband would die shortly? As happy as I was about ending the apocalypse, I was aware at every moment that Aric and I could have lived together with our son in this new world.
If even Death had sensed this game would be different, Matthew had to have foreseen it all.
Thanks for the heads-up, Fool.
“Okay?” Lark echoed me now. “You’re cool with reading it?”
“Yeah.” I was proud of how normal I sounded.
“We doan have to rush this,” Jack said. He slept in the guest room closest to me and Tee. I thought. Everyone seemed to worry about me caring for the baby, so they’d all taken turns.
Lark narrowed her gaze on me. “Whoa, you’re doing that tourniquet thing again, aren’t you?”
I am! But even the tourniquet wasn’t enough to stem my grief. The castle was my life support yet again. I ate the lotus and pretended Aric was out on a long supply run. Any minute now his spurs would ring through the halls. I often watched the door, awaiting him to stride inside.
I wasn’t the only one; my baby looked for him around every corner. And weirdly, Tee always woke at two in the morning, his arms eagerly raised. Each time Aric didn’t appear, Tee would cry.
“I’m fine, Lark. I’m ready.”
Circe stood. “Then it’s decided. We’ll walk you to the study.”
Wow. They’d believed me. “Cool.” I eased up from my chair.
In silence, we exited the kitchen and paraded down the hall. Though I’d worried about severe quake damage, Aric had been right—this structure had held steadfast. A stray crack here and there. Crooked paintings easily righted.
If only its inhabitants had fared as well. At the study door, I said, “I’ve got it from here.”
Exchange of worried glances.
In Jack’s arms, Tee cooed, then frowned, confused when tense smiles answered him.
“Pequeña, we can stay with you for moral support.” Sol gave me a gentle smile. “I hold hands like no one you’ve met before.” Then he bit his lip, probably thinking, Death would’ve held her hand, imbécil. They all walked on eggshells around me.
No need! “I’m okay. Really.”
“You doan have to do this now,” Jack insisted. “Maybe it’s too soon.”
Lark studied my expression. “Hey, Eves, it’s a lot.” Said the young woman who’d bravely released most of her animals into the wild to join the repopulation. She’d kept her familiars and some horses and livestock for the castle’s maintenance, but all the others would face the excitement—and risk—of a life of freedom.
Titan remained. After Aric’s death, the stallion’s coloring had reverted from ghostly white with red eyes to his original gray. One day he would be Tee’s.
“We’ll talk later, guys,” I said over my shoulder as I walked inside. “I’ll find you when I’m finished.” I closed the door.
Alone, I gazed around the study, rubbing my locket. Other parts of the castle held a wealth of memories—my tower with the mural I’d painted, my dance studio where Aric had given me ballet slippers, and the bedroom we’d shared, of course—but this room was most like him.
I surveyed his priceless relics and found myself dreamily smiling. One of the first times Aric had allowed me inside his sanctuary, I’d waved at the crowns and scepters and teased him. . . .
“Admit it—you wear them when no one’s around. Play air tennis with the scepters?”
“No, Empress. I do not.”
“Can I, can I?”
On the verge of grinning, he said, “No, Empress, you may not. . . .”
We’d been on our way to falling in love—as inevitable as the waterfall currents on both of our cards.
My attention wandered over his prized books. While making love, we’d knocked them off the shelves, and he’d laughed. “Let them fall!”
I swept my gaze over his vodka service. One glass remained out on his desk beside his chronicles. He must have had a shot that last night. The empty glass would never be refilled.
I crossed to the grand row of Gothic windows. He used to stand beside them for perspective as his tricky mind devised strategy.
From here, I surveyed the sunny landscape around the castle, and I envisioned his return. Any minute I would see his proud figure ride up the long, lonely drive. He would take off his helmet and wave, his eyes gone starry to see me.
My daydreams were so lifelike I couldn’t distinguish them from reality.
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