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“I don’t think you can just claim me,” I tell him, wishing it were so. That’s not the way this is supposed to go.
“Except I just did,” he says, leaning over to nibble my neck. “And you liked it.”
I fucking loved it, but that’s beside the point. Maybe I’m too reality driven, but Nathan and I can’t be a normal couple. “We can’t be together. Not for real. Not out there for everyone to see.”
He lifts himself to lean on his arm, and I turn toward him, bringing my knees up until I’m in a half ball. “I’ve been thinking about it. I’ll take whatever I can get, whenever I can get. I don’t care, as long as you’re safe.”
“You want to be my side piece?”
He glowers, the corner of his mouth turning upward into a snarl. I guess he doesn’t like joking about this. “You can be what you need to be with him. But you’re mine. That’s the easiest way out. The other way is my personal preference: we catch them together. We put them on trial.”
This again. We’ve discussed this at length, but we both decided that we couldn’t do that to our mates.
“Things have changed,” he tells me, as if he can sense my thoughts.
“We still wouldn’t be able to be together.”
“Not officially, but I’ll be damned if Sean puts you through this. Did you tell him about the timeline?”
I nod. “He didn’t know.”
“Bullshit. We don’t do anything there that they don’t know about.”
I shrug. Whether he did or he didn’t doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change anything.
“I asked her about him. I kept asking her and asking her. She broke down crying, but I kept at it. I didn’t fucking care. It was then that she kissed me. She threw herself at me. I half expect it was to get me to shut up.”
“And you really felt nothing?”
He swallows, looking away. I wait for him to respond. “I can’t say there was nothing, but it was nothing like when fate paired us up to begin with. It was like a faint feeling. A frayed wire, almost. Like it needed to be repaired. I don’t care, though,” he grinds out.
“What’s happening?” I voice as fear trickles in. “It’s not supposed to be like this. Mates are forever. I don’t get it.”
“They screwed us up,” he answers like he’s thought about this enough for the two of us. “No one has ever been at Greystone as long as we have. They’ve either been accepted by their mate or made to go Feral. Maybe no one actually knows what happens when you reject your inner nature for so long.”
His words hit like a brick to my chest. It goes against everything we were told. It goes against shifter law, the belief in mates, everything. Hell, it goes against what keeps us alive. “We might never be able to reproduce,” I tell him. Family is so strong within packs. The drive to produce kin is high. That’s where the mate possessiveness comes in.
“I don’t care,” Nathan argues. “Nothing matters but you.”
My own nature—the desire to have little shifter babies—flinches. It’s ingrained in us. In school, there is no talk about deciding to have kids. There’s only mate talk. The drive to reproduce with your fated one. It’s why those who aren’t paired with anyone seem so sad.
I don’t know if I could go through that. It’s not about wanting Nathan or not wanting Nathan, it’s about never being able to fulfill that piece of my destiny.
And I’m not sure about that. “What do we do?” I ask.
Nathan settles beside me again, pulling my head to his shoulder. He wraps me up, and even though everything about this is supposed to be wrong, I can’t actually feel that in any way.
13
A knock comes on the door as Nathan and I are discussing plans. He jumps off the bed, clearing almost the entire room with his shifter reflexes. As soon as he’s standing on the other side, I sit up, pushing myself against the wall. All in all, two seconds later, I call out, “Come in.”
Alice sticks her head in, smiling at the both of us. “The alpha’s assistant called. He wants us all to go to the Winter Solstice meeting tonight.”
That sounds like the last thing I want to do. It’s already almost 8:00 p.m. I don’t give a shit about the solstice preparations and rules. But, instead of saying all that, I force a smile. “Sure. Sounds fun.”
She holds up a finger. “Greystone uniforms expected, of course.” She turns and leaves the bedroom door wide open, and I roll my eyes at Nathan. He huffs. “Yeah, come be a part of the pack that’s forgotten all about you. Sounds like a super fun time.” Striding across the room, he reaches out a hand to help me to my feet. We put unwanted distance between us as I make sure my clothes are on properly. Other than my panties still being a little damp, I—
“Shit,” I whisper. “Do you think she could smell it?”