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His cigar smoke curled around my face as his deep dark eyes scanned my face.

“I wouldn’t allow you to beg me though, Benita. You crossed me for the last time with this?—”

“Casper.” I pleaded and backed up until my calves hit the edge of my bed.

“I swear on my life?—”

“Your life don’t mean shit to me no more, the moment you let a bunch of niggas run through that pussy on the day my parents were murdered. I stopped giving a fuck when I was in the hospital without you there to—” he dropped his eyes for a couple of seconds.

When he looked back up at me, his eyes held no emotion. He stared at me long and hard.

“You right, Casper.” My voice broke.

“My life doesn’t mean shit without you.” I whimpered out.

“I don’t want to hear none of that begging shit, Benita. I’ll be in the living room. You have five minutes to tell me what the fuck I want to hear.” He turned to walk out.

The smoke from his cigar hung in the room alone with the scent of his cologne. His heavy foot steps down the hallway couldbe heard as I stood in the same spot. My mind was scattered in every mistake I ever made when it came to him.

“Fuck this!” I said aloud.

I rushed after him and choked over my words a little from the painful lump that formed in the center of my throat.

“I’ll tell you where she is,” I said desperately.

He turned around slowly and shook his head.

“I knew you was lying.” He shook his head.

“Where is she?”

The truth was caught in my throat because I didn’t want to tell him until I he gave in a little to me. Something told me that deep down, he still loved me even with all the hate that he still tried to hold on to.

“Casper, baby, if I tell you…can I have another chance?” My voice faltered.

I loved him like it was my religion, I didn’t fear the threats that he spat out at me seconds ago…I feared his rejection. His eyes narrowed slightly, the cold look that he had before was gone. I never asked flat out for another chance. I didn’t work hard enough to get him back. All I did was be available for him any time he reached out.

“Another chance at what?” he said, even though he knew.

“Us.” Tears blurred my vision as I stepped forward.

I felt a little hope when he didn’t respond. His stare penetrated me as if he could see into my soul.

“I know I fucked up; I lied a lot…I didn’t fight for you back like I should have because I knew that I would still at least have you, even if it was part time. I didn’t fight to be more of a mother to Yeremy… But I never stopped loving you.” My throat burned as I swallowed down hard.

“I don’t sleep right and don’t feel as good unless it’s with you. You on my mind all day, even at night I think about you. Allthese other men don’t do it for me, all I end up doing when I’m with them is think of you.”

He didn’t react, his face was still the same as I searched my mind for something that could get through to him. I dropped down to my knees, my eyes on the carpet as I broke in front of him.

“I miss you,” I whispered with my tears falling.

“I miss the way you used to look at me, your voice when you actually cared…” I crawled toward him.

“I miss belonging to you, Casper. You was proud to claim me.” My hands gripped the hem of his slacks as I stared up at him.

“Give me another chance. Please, I’ll tell you where Yeremy is. Let me prove that I can still be what you need.” I begged.

For what felt like forever, he said nothing and just looked down at me. He removed the cigar from his mouth then rolled his neck until it cracked.