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Her grandmother’s laughter filled Zuri’s mind and chest and tired heart. “So it’s not just fun you’re having.”

“Stop digging around in there,” Zuri snapped. “That’s not what I called you for?—”

“It’s exactly what you called me for,mija.”

Zuri dropped her tensed shoulders. Oh for fuck’s sake, she didn’t have to say it out loud.

“Why are you ignoring your own heart,mi niña?” Her grandmother’s energy eased out of amused and into concerned. Zuri wanted to tell her she was wrong, but it was impossible to lie like this. Impossible to hide.

“Because I can’t do this again,Ela.” Zuri hadn’t used the nickname for a decade before her grandmother passed on.

As a baby, Zuri had turnedabuelaintoEla. And, gods, that’s how she felt again—like a stupid child. There had rarely been a time Zuri didn’t know her own mind. Didn’t know what she wanted. But now, she was trapped in the waiting—hoping someone else could decide for once.

“You’ve already decided,mija.”

Zuri shook her head.

“You decided the moment you went looking for her.”

Emotions stabbed the backs of Zuri’s eyes. She shut them tighter. She wasn’t going to fucking cry and complete the lost child costume she couldn’t rip off.

“Elena either loves you enough to lay down her life for yours, or that girl wastes a lot of time pretending when no one is looking.” There was a long pause. “And your new companion… She is not only smitten… All that light inside of her is coming from quite the fire.”

The thought that her grandmother was doing ghostly recon made Zuri chuckle. She wanted to ask her what she meant, but when her grandmother spoke again, her voice was already further away. Already fading.

Shit. If she was going to be spending so much time in Elena’s perch, she was going to have to bring her grandmother’s shrine. If she were home, she’d light her grandmother’s favorite cigar and pour her a little shot of rum to keep her a few minutes longer.

“Stop ignoring what your heart tells you and trust it.”

“My heart.” Zuri laughed. “Since when has that bitch been trustworthy?”

“Love is not meant to be easy or safe. It requires courage, vulnerability, a willingness to hold out the most raw part of yourself and risk it being trampled?—”

“You’re really selling this, old lady.”

“Stop fighting yourself,mi vida. There are other struggles needing your attention.”

“What?” she whispered, but there was no response.

Her grandmother’s sudden departure was an icy fissure opening in her chest.Damn it.

“Hey.” Elena’s voice behind her would have made her jump if she hadn’t been lost in the echo of her grandmother’s words. “Let’s get this over with.”

Zuri whirled around. “I’d love to see what a couple’s counselor would have to say about that attitude toward open and honest communication.” She crossed the terrace in long strides.

“I didn’t know we were officially a thing and already we’re in therapy,” Elena joked, even if her mood was still stormy.

Zuri jammed her empty glass in Elena’s hand. “Yeah well, don’t ruin it by talking.”

Elena’s eyes were dark in the starless night, her skin cool where their fingers brushed when she took the glass. “More liquid courage?”

“Liquid patience,” she lied before stepping into the house.

She didn’t really want any more wine, she just needed a second to collect herself. Too many things were swirling in her mind at once. She just needed to force it all into submission. Gain control of it, or the situation, or herself—she wasn’t sure.

In the powder room off a living room so big it was mostly empty space and white furniture Bambi’s future cat would wreck, Zuri leaned over the sink. She wasn’t an idiot. She knewthat to figure out what she was going to do, it would be pretty fucking helpful to know what she wanted.

Zuri shut her eyes against the lie. She knew what she wanted… it was just the wrong thing to want.