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“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want you. It meant I wanted to keep my job.”
And with those words, reality dawns on me. My job. The project. Staying professional. What am I doing? It’s not like me to tear down my carefully built walls. Those walls protect me from players like Kaison. From getting fired for having an inappropriate relationship with my boss.
“Do you really think you’d lose your job for kissing me?” he asks.
“Is that what this was? A quick kiss? A onetime deal?” Hurt is seeping into my words, and I hate myself for it. What is happening to the strong, independent woman I’ve built myself to be?
“What did you want it to be?” he asks.
“I—” I can’t find the right words. I don’t even know the answer. It’s too much, too complicated. Because my head is telling me one thing, and my heart is begging for something different. But my heart doesn’t know what my brain knows. My brain has logic and knowledge and experience. Kaison can get away with kissing me. It’s not like his dad is going to fire him. If someone finds out about this, I could be gone in a second, no questions asked, no good reference to take on to the next job. Everything I’ve worked so hard to build could be destroyed. I’d have to start all over with a new job search, and who knows how long it would take me to find another gig like this. I have bills to pay. A car payment, insurance, utilities, rent. Stuff Kaison probably hands off to his assistant without a second thought.
“Look,” Kaison says. “I’m not trying to rush you into something you’re not ready for. But you’re important to me. I’ve never felt this way before. Not even when—” He abruptly stops talking.
“Not even when what?” I ask.
“It doesn’t matter.” He waves a hand like that’s going to make my curiosity just go poof gone.
“You seem like you’re full of mysteries,” I say.
He shrugs. “Everyone has something.”
“I’m a good listener.”
His shoulders slump.
I’ve never seen him like this. Whatever he was about to say was something that had hurt him deeply. It’s written all over his face.
“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready, but I promise you can talk to me if you ever feel ready.”
Kaison sits still for a moment, the bubbles swirling and popping around him in the steamy water. Finally, he speaks.
“I had my heart broken.”
18
KAISON
Ariana’s eyes are gentle as she sits and listens.
I’ve never seen such tenderness on her face before. She’s always putting on this prickly exterior like she’s this amazing superwoman.
I take a deep breath and continue. “I dated this girl all through college.” I can’t believe I’m telling her about Blair. I glance over at Ariana, but she’s still looking at me with that tender expression. “Right before graduation, one of my classes was canceled, and I showed up at her place to surprise her.” I swallow. I haven’t told this story much, and it’s harder than I expect to share it with her. “But she wasn’t alone.”
Ariana lets out a soft sound of disappointment, and sympathy shines from her eyes.
“My roommate, Grady, was over there. I never got along with the guy. He seemed to hate the fact that my family has money. It’s not like I can help the situation I was born into. There was nothing I could do to get that guy to like me. Eventually, I just gave up and ignored him. I thought that would be enough for him, but he got so jealous he had to go and steal my girl.”
“But it was her fault too,” Ariana points out.
“Oh, believe me, I know,” I say, bitterness lacing my words. “Turns out they’d been seeing each other behind my back for weeks, and I had no idea.”
“And what did she have to say for herself?” Ariana looks like she wants to tell Blair off.
“She told me I was too focused on school and didn’t give her enough attention.”
Ariana scoffs. “So she wanted a guy who was a slacker?” She throws her hands up into the air. “To each her own, I guess. But I like a guy who works hard and does his best.”
This girl is going to be the end of me.