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sixteen
CASSIA
I’ve never been to a shotgun wedding. I imagine this is what it’s like. A bride. A groom. The minimum number of witnesses. All we’re missing is an angry dad with a gun.
Rose goes into the room first, leaving me in the hallway with my stomach doing somersaults. Even with how fast it’s been arranged, there’s been so much build up to this moment. Nerves flutter in my chest.
Breathe, Cassia, breathe.
I pinch my eyes shut and take deep breaths, filling my lungs with oxygen and steadying my racing heart. I step toward the room.
There’s no angry dad because Dad isn’t here to walk me down the aisle.The thought crashes into me and knocks the air out of me.
Grief holds my heart in its ironclad grip. It’s crazy how fast it can overtake everything else. One moment, all I’m worried about is making it to Mace, and the next, I’m overcome by sorrow that sinks into my marrow. I miss Dad so much. He should be here. My eyes burn, hot tearsthreatening to destroy the makeup artist’s hard work. It’s been years since he died. It should be easier with the time that’s passed, but this sadness is soul deep.Time heals all woundsis a vicious lie.
A thick and heavy lump lodges in my throat. I swallow, blink, curse the emotions that’ve grabbed a hold of me so tightly I can’t bring myself to take another step. I have to do this.
Alone.
Chest tight, body numb, I take the next step, taking a sip of air. Then the next. Oxygen slowly spreads through my body. I turn into the room, pausing in the space between the hall and the den, gaze finding Mace standing next to a man in a black cassock.
Mace is wearing an onyx Tom Ford tuxedo, and he straightens, eyes darkening, drinking me in. The look of a man so thirsty, he’s desperate enough to test fate and cross the desert to find a drop of water.
My feet are stuck to the floor. It’s wrong. Dad should be here. I can’t do this without him.
Rose rises to her toes and whispers something to Dare, who slides his gaze toward me and nods. The two of them approach me. Rose holds up her hand in a placating gesture.
“We’ve got you, Cass.”
The fist closes around my heart and the tears return, threatening to spill over. She knows. Of course she does. She’s been with me through the worst of times. I’m so glad she’s here.
Dare stops in front of me, offering me his elbow. “I’m not as good of a man as your father, but may I escort you?”
My eyes bounce between him and Rose. I don’t knowhow to say what I need, but Rose sees it, and she links her elbow with mine.
“I’ll do it. We’re family,” Rose says.
My chest cracks open, but I refuse to break down. I can do this. It’s ten minutes of my life. I can’t go through this torture again. Marrying Mace has to happen tonight. When Dare starts to turn, to head back to stand next to his friend, I grab his arm. He turns, searching my face.
“Both of you.”
Nodding, he simply moves to my other side and hooks his arm with mine. “Ready?” he says low enough that Mace and the priest can’t hear.
It’s hard to believe that, once upon a time, I didn’t like Dare.
“As I’ll ever be,” I confess with a shaky exhale.
“You look amazing,” Rose murmurs. “He definitely shit his pants.”
As a laugh tumbles past my lips, I take the first step with Rose and Dare. Mace’s focus is all on me, and when we stop and I step to join him, his hands take mine in a firm grasp.
Those dark blue irises are turbulent. Glinting with victory. Swirling with wariness. A flash of regret. The priest starts talking, but the sound of his voice is a dull buzz in my ears compared to the thudding of my heart. I can’t tear my eyes from Mace. His attention is all-consuming. I’m terrified if I look away, the tears will spill down my cheeks and everyone will realize how weak I am.
His thumbs smooth over the backs of my hands, tracing slow circles that send gooseflesh racing over my arms. The space between us condenses, the line of tension taut enough to push the grief aside, trapping me in themoments between being Cassia Harris and becoming Cassia Astor.
For a second, his eyes flick to the priest. “I do.” Two words sealing my fate.
Then his gaze finds mine again, and I’m drowning in the depths of his irises. Consumed by the dark shadows that have surfaced, teasing me with their existence. If I reach out, could I touch them?