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“Anything else?” I ask, glaring at the TV screen.

But he just falls quiet, and another sinking feeling hits me. He’s afraid to tell me something.

“What did she do?” I demand.

Just fucking say it.

His voice is quiet, but the only thing I hear as the video game plays. “She gave me a blow job.”

My chin trembles, and tears wet my eyes. “In the shower?” I say, but it comes out as a whisper.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Did you like it?” I ask him.

“Yeah.”

Pain wracks my body, and I can’t take it. I cry out and push myself to my feet, launching the fucking controller right at the TV. I hear the impact, but I’m whipping around and glaring at him before I see if it hit. “It’s like second nature, isn’t it?” I growl. “Giving it away to whoever is available for a good time? Congratulations, Hawke. You are finally a typical male, after all!”

He pushes off the couch, all of a sudden not so drunk and spitting words right back at me. “And what do you know… You do give a shit, after all.” His eyes smile as he gloats, staring down. “You fucking little liar.”

What?

“You seriously stood there at that party and told me to go screw someone?” His eyes blaze as he digs in his eyebrows and looks at me like I’m shit. “‘Just don’t forget your condom’, like you’re my fucking mother? Are you serious right now? No wonder I have trust issues with women! You’re not doing me any good. Just playing with my head more!”

He advances on me and I stumble back.

“Do you have any idea,” he shouts, “how much it hurt for you to want someone else to have me? To just pass me off like that? Like what we’ve been doing means nothing?”

But before I can respond, he’s gone. He storms off down the hall, and a second later, I hear a door slam shut.

Okay, so maybe I underestimated our relationship. Something tickles my cheek, and I wipe it, realizing I’m crying.

But I’m not the bad guy here. I want him, I act like I don’t, but I do care.

I charge after him, passing the empty surveillance room, and seeing his bedroom door closed now. I throw it open, seeing him sitting on his bed, and I stalk up to him. “You know what? Screw you!” I say, tears welling again. “I don’t want to care! You’re a smart guy. Figure out why!”

He surges to his feet, coming at me. “Get in my bed.”

“Fuck you.”

“Get in my bed!” he yells and lifts me into his arms. My heart drops to my feet as he holds me by the backs of my thighs, and I push at his shoulders, his mouth inches from mine.

“What are you going to do?” I gasp. “Make me blow you so you can compare?”

“I’m going to kiss you,” he says.

And he dives in, covering my mouth with his and cutting off my breath. His lips pause on mine, both of ours partially open, and fire spreads over my mouth, across my cheeks, into my hair and down to my toes. My clit pulsates, and I whimper, needing more. I move over his lips, soft, but he groans, diving in and taking me full force. I wrap my legs around him, and he slides one hand up the back of my scalp, kissing me again and again.

“You think I would let her touch me?” he whispers, hefting me up high. “Only you’re allowed to touch me.”

I look down at him as he carries me to his bed, dipping down for another kiss. And then another.

We fall to the mattress, and he thrusts between my legs, covering my mouth with his again.

“I thought you were going to come back,” he tells me. “Or text me and tell me not to do it.”

A sob catches in my throat. “It’s going to be hard to leave you when the time comes, you know?” I press my forehead to his. “You’re my only friend.”

He slips his hand down the back of my underwear, grabbing a fistful of my ass and grinds himself into me, holding me flush with his body. “Friends can do this, right?”

“Yeah,” I whimper, a light sweat already covering my body.

He comes down, pinning my hands above my head and kissing me. Slow. Firm. Playful. Biting my lips, his breath getting ragged as the heat from his tongue makes the room spin. I can’t stop. I squirm into him, inching up to kiss him back, but I want to touch him.

I tip my head back, inhaling and exhaling as he trails down my neck, trying to calm myself down. I don’t want him to stop, but we’re going too fast.

He didn’t touch her. I look down at him. Thank God.

Only I’m allowed to touch him, he said. I smile to myself, loving that.