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I stepped off the plane and onto the tarmac in DC. The crisp air filled my nostrils. It was the closest anything had felt like home in a long time. It was fall. This was what seasons meant. Change. Movement. Football.

I didn’t get this in Florida. And for a quick second it reminded me of what I was missing on the island. Oyster roasts and hunting season. Bonfires in the backyard with my cousins drinking beer. Hauling wood inside the boat barn for the season to keep the stove going. All those things I did before I left for good. Before I traded my roots for a life in the AFA.

I was being fucking nostalgic for no reason. I shook my head. What in the hell was I doing?

Jones ran up behind me, slapping my back. “Ready to beat the Sharks?”

“Hell yeah.” I nodded. No one thought we had a chance. The Sharks were having a killer season.

Playing them at home wasn’t going to be easy. We were the warm-weather team invading their outdoor stadium like fish out of water. But I believed we could win. If the rest of the team got their heads out of their asses and played. We would win. We had every reason to believe it could happen.

I climbed onto the bus the team chartered to take us to the hotel. We had a light practice tonight and I had press meetings afterward. I knew what the questions would be. They were always the same. I had standard answers about the season. A way to explain why we were underperforming with exceptional talent. Our public relations director sat down with me before every press conference. He had scheduled the same meeting tonight after practice.

I sat back in the seat while the bus chugged forward with a puff of diesel. My legs were cramped in the small seat. I knew the one question that was coming tonight that I dreaded: where did I fit in that equation? Did I let the team down by not leading them to be something better? Was I responsible?

I heard the guys laughing and talking behind me. They played music and showed each other their social media posts. To them it was a game. They reveled in their celebrity status. The money that rolled in because they were professional athletes. But what they hadn’t figured out was that it was going to be short-lived if they didn’t start winning games. Contracts didn’t mean shit when the numbers were low.

I could let them learn the lesson the hard way, or I could tell them everything was on the line. We were nowhere near being in the lineup for the Super Bowl, but we had to eke out a winning season.

I didn’t hear Coach until he cleared his throat. “You look like a man lost deep in thought.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s supposed to be my job.” He switched seats, landing into the open spot next to me.

We hadn’t talked much this season. When the Thrashers first drafted me, Coach Benson took me under his wing. He included me in meetings. He asked me about the routes. We stayed late in the offices watching film together, ordering pizza and splitting a six-pack. And at some point, he handed over a majority of the offensive decisions to me. Most twenty-two-year-old men wouldn’t have been able to handle it, but he had faith in me. Faith I hadn’t known except from my own father.

“Just thinking about the game tomorrow.”

He nodded, chewing his gum with the side of his mouth. “Different season this year.”

“Yeah. It is.”

“Son, I’ve noticed something different about you.”

“What’s that?” I stared straight ahead.

“Usually you come back from your break a little different.”

“What are you trying to say?”

He slapped his knee. “Hell, I’ll stop sugar coating it and just say it. We all see it. You’re angry, Blake. Mean as a damn snake.”

“Warrior mentality.” I brushed off his comment. “This team is going to hell. They need someone to give them the reality shock to wake them up.”

“That’s not it.” He shook his head. “I’ve known you going on five years now and you’ve never been a son of a bitch like this. Hard working sure. Tough as nails. But not a dick to your teammates.”

My head cocked to the side. “Excuse me?”

“What happened? Is it grief? The fans? What is getting under your skin?”

“I’m good. What you see is determination to dig this team out of a losing season.”

“We’re almost at the hotel. After we check in if you want to grab a drink and talk you know my room is always open. I’m here for you. I’m never too busy for what’s going on in your life. Whatever it is.” He eyed me.

Maybe that was his problem. He was too worried about personal issues to look at the bigger scope of his team. It was falling apart.

“Thanks, Coach. We’re going to win tomorrow. That’s what I’m focused on.”