Page 44 of Dominion

“What?”

“You’ve lost weight, buddy. A lot of weight, and it doesn’t look good. I don’t want Skylar and Ash worrying about you.”

Straight to the point.

But I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t do anything.

Food tasted like ashes, my nights were filled with nightmares of faceless men from that hellish place, and worst of all—I liked it. I liked everything they had done to me.

So no, I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t be who I used to be.

I’d spent my entire life being a good son and a good brother, following orders like the good little soldier my father made me to be. Right now, I had no idea what my purpose was anymore. There was no place for me, but I refused to leave them without one last good memory of me.

“I’m eating,” I replied simply, putting a stop to that conversation. I didn’t want to talk to him to discuss all the issues I was living with right now. I needed his help. “I need your help with something else, Cillian.”

He didn’t look too pleased that I was changing the subject, but he dropped it. “What can I do?”

Looking toward the door leading to the back porch and then toward the second floor, I lowered my voice and leaned closer to Cillian. “Are there any… how do I put this… magical places around here? As in, places where the three of us could go and just relax.”

His eyebrows hit his hairline, and I could see that this request wasn’t what he expected to hear. “You want to go somewhere?”

“Yes.”

“With Skylar and Ash?”

For now, I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue.

“Yes, Cillian. I want us to go somewhere and get away from this mess. At least for a day or maybe two. I just want us to, I don’t know, forget maybe?”

“And they have no idea you’re planning this,” he stated.

“Nope. They have no idea.”

Laughter from the outside echoed around the hallway, piercing my heart once again. Ash’s voice was as clear as that river in Winworth on a bright sunny day, talking with his brother, happy he was finally with him. Happy he was safe.

He had almost become collateral damage in this little war we were waging.

“Dylan,” Cillian said, pulling me back into the moment. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, uh,” I stammered. “If you remember any places like what I described, will you let me know?”

“I will, but Dylan?—”

“Thank you.” I stopped him from saying anything more, because I already knew he was going to ask again if I was okay.

And I wasn’t.

Not even close.

But I was very good at pretending. I’d worn a mask half of my life, and somewhere along the way, I learned how to hide everything that was plaguing me.

“I’m gonna go and lie down for a bit, but I’ll see you at dinner, yeah?”

His gaze softened as if he could see I was lying out of my ass. In all honesty, he probably could see it, but he kept his mouth shut. Instead of pushing, he simply nodded, then started walking in the same direction where Sebastian had gone, leaving me alone.

Which was what I wanted—to be alone.

Then why does it feel like your heart is going to explode?