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She was warrior strong. But that didn’t make it any easier to watch her suffer.
And it didn’t make it any easier to know that he couldn’t be there for her, not in the way he wanted to be.
When this was over, when Steele was finally brought to justice and the world was set right again, maybe then they could find their way back to each other.
Maybe then they could build that bridge, that connection, that fairytale ending.
But for now, all he could do was ride.
And hope.
43
Kate settledinto the copilot seat of the sleek Airbus helo, her heart heavy as she helped Bridger run through a quick preflight. Her shoulder throbbed, a constant reminder of her ordeal, but the pain was nothing compared to the guilt that gnawed at her insides. Fenn had risked his life, as had the others—Fenn’s volunteers, Bridger, and the team—all to save her from her own stupidity.
She felt chastened, foolish, and utterly disheartened.
The worst part was that Hawk was still out there, ready to fight another day and lead the Consortium to them again. And they were talking about a ruthless enemy. A man so intent on his goal he’d been willing to fake every tiny ounce of their relationship just to create his cover. She clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms as she fought back the wave of frustration that threatened to overwhelm her.
And then there was the matter of her history with Hawk. Despite Fenn’s reassurances, she knew the team wouldn’t look at her the same way once they knew the truth. Just because Hawk and his handlers had engineered the fake crisis on that mission in the South China Sea, she had allowed herself to be talked into leaving her partner—her fiancé—for the enemy.
She looked up at the hard, moonlit sky, a sense of despair settling over her like a suffocating blanket. Would she ever see daylight again? Even if there had been a spark of interest between her and Fenn, surely he couldn’t look at her the same way now. Not after what she’d done. Leaving Hawk behind had felt bad enough. But letting the man fool her so badly…. Fenn must think her a complete fool.
And even if he could, she knew she could never have a relationship knowing that Hawk was out there, waiting. Because she’d learned another important fact about him while she was detained. He hated to lose. He’d come for her again.
But before that, he’d come for everyone she loved.
The thought sent a chill down her spine, and she shivered despite the warmth of the cockpit. She couldn’t let that happen. She wouldn’t let anyone else suffer because of her mistakes.
Bridger glanced over at her, his brow furrowed in concern. “You okay?”
Kate forced a smile, hoping it looked more convincing than it felt. “Just tired.”
He nodded, his eyes returning to the controls. “We’ll be back at base soon. We’ll get you some pain meds for that shoulder. You’ve earned the rest.”
Rest. The word sounded like a foreign concept. How could she rest when her mind was spinning with thoughts of Hawk, of the danger he posed to everyone she cared about?
But she knew she had to try. She had to be strong, had to be ready for whatever came next.
Because one thing was for certain.
This wasn’t over.
Bridger tried to coax her into taking the stick once everyone was loaded into the helicopter, but she refused, blaming her injured shoulder. It was a flimsy excuse, and she knew Bridger would see right through it. He wouldn’t have suggested she pilotif he thought for a second that she couldn’t physically handle the task. No, the truth was, she just didn’t have the desire. For anything.
She hoped her natural optimism would bloom again, but a niggling worry crept into her mind. Had Hawk’s betrayal broken her so badly that she’d never be the same?
As Bridger lifted the helicopter into the cold sky, the rotors whirring and the engine humming, Kate stared out at the stars, twinkling as the moonlight faded. The immensity of the sky was both awe-inspiring and terrifying. She knew people, smart, driven people, who’d never been the same after the stress of the kinds of secret operations she and her teammates had performed.
Would this ugly business with Hawk be the thing that finally broke her?
Bridger’s voice crackled over the headset, pulling her from her thoughts. “Altimeter reading five thousand feet. Heading two-seven-five degrees west. ETA to base, ten minutes.”
“Copy that.” Kate nodded, her eyes still fixed on the inky blackness outside the window. The stars seemed to mock her, their twinkling light a stark contrast to the heaviness in her heart.
She thought of Fenn, of the way he’d looked at her before they parted ways. There had been something in his eyes, a warmth and a tenderness that she’d never seen before. But there had also been a hint of something else. Worry, possibly.
Or was it pity?