Page 96 of Daughter of the Serpent

“But at what cost?” Her voice broke, her hands trembling as she clutched the front of his tunic, almost as if begging him tounderstand. “I know I am selfish. I know it’s wicked to want these things. But they’re in my heart, and I can’t carve them out, no matter how many times I pray for it. Even if the gods damn me for it, I cannot pretend otherwise.”

Haldor’s hand came up, covering hers where it gripped his tunic, his expression softening for a moment. “Sylvie, please...recommit to your faith, speak to Godvick, let him help you see reason…you must push down such emotions - ”

But she pulled away before he could finish, her face twisting with a bitter smile. “You think the temple can save me? They don’t see me, Haldor. And neither do you. You see what you want to see, and I don’t have the strength left to pretend anymore. Maybe you're content to lead a life devoid of love, of connection, oftruth– but I refuse! Especially now that I am faced with my own death!"

He sighed, shifting on his feet, “We are to find our pleasure and fulfillment in our service to the gods, not ourselves. You need to separate yourself from your emotions. You will not please the gods unless you can give them your full devotion.” He paused, the anger fading slightly from his eyes, replaced by something more vulnerable - something almost hidden. “The temple isn’t what you think, Sylvie. It can be more.”

He sighed, his grip loosening until she was free to move. But she didn’t.

“I’ve never told you what life was like before my dedication.”

Sylvie’s breath hitched. Surprise flickered across her face, her anger momentarily locked in place, frozen like a blade caught mid - swing.

He hesitated, shoulders tensing, gaze fixed on the dirt at his feet. The silence stretched, taut as a bowstring.

“I lost my whole family to the plague.” His voice was steady, but his fingers curled into his palms. “My father, my mother... they died senselessly, and I was left alone, scrambling to survive.”

The wind stirred between them, carrying the faint scent of damp earth.

“That’s when the temple found me - when I channeled for the first time. I was drowning in my own anger, my own grief. I lashed out, and before I knew it, I’d injured two people. My magic was wild, uncontained. If they hadn’t stopped me…” His throat bobbed. “I don’t know what further damage I would have done.”

He exhaled slowly, pressing his lips together. A shadow passed behind his eyes, deep and distant.

“They gave me a new life. They taught me how to guard my heart, to release myself from the grip of loss and longing. This path... it’s the only thing that’s kept me from being swallowed by my own pain.” He lifted his gaze, his expression unreadable. “They gave me purpose. They made me someone worthy of the gods’ approval.”

Sylvie stared at him. Her pulse thrummed in her ears, disbelief tightening her chest like a vice. Her lips parted, but no words came. She searched his face, looking for something - anything - that might crack through his certainty. But all she found was unwavering conviction.

“The gods have given mefreedom,” he insisted. “They’ve released me from the chains of bondage - of grief, loss, to all the things that could tear me apart - and they can for you too. You just need to try.”

Sylvie’s eyes dropped. “I didn’t know about your parents, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’d rather keep that part of my life out of the one that exists now. I didn’t want my childhood to define me, I didn’t want to trudge up the past.”

“But what are you without feelings, Haldor?” She asked, concern in her eyes. “Don’t you see, you’re not free. You’re a prisoner.”

“I am free Sylvie, free from grief, free from my past.”

“You call yourself free because you’ve buried every feeling?” She assessed him. “Haldor, you should have been able to mourn, to grieve - not bury every human part of you. I... I can’t live that way.”

Her words left a heavy silence hanging between them, a silence thick with the things neither of them could say.

“Don’t you want to feel - to know happiness,love?”

"I can’t afford to love, or do whatever I please." Haldor stated simply. “Love is a distraction from my duty. It is only when they assign me my divine counterpart may I be permitted to know it.”

"You say these things, and yet your words don't match your actions."

“They do,” he snapped. His voice grew harsher, almost desperate. “If I let myself feel attachment, if I allowed myself to care - to truly care - tonight’s rekindling would destroy me. Do you have any idea what that’s like? I lost everything before I ever set foot in that temple. I learned the hard way to keep my heart sealed, to never risk that kind of pain again. I can’t let anyone in, Sylvie. Iwon’t.”

“I don’t believe you,” Sylvie’s eyes tracked him. “You care more than you admit, Haldor. You act before you think, driven by every emotion that sweeps through you, no matter how reckless. And that’s exactly why you’re trying to stop me from partaking in the trials - because youcare!”

Haldor’s expression twisted as he dragged a hand through his hair, his eyes squeezing shut.

“Gods, give me patience!”

He turned on her, his movements jerky and agitated as he paced back and forth, like a caged animal. “What do you want from me, Sylvie?” he demanded, his voice rough, every word vibrating with tension. “Do you want me to admit that I care for you? That I don’t want you to go? That the thought of you facing the trials terrifies me?”

Sylvie froze. There was a rawness in his voice, a crack that revealed a chasm of feeling she hadn’t expected.