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“I know, I know.” He steps back and tugs his beanie down. “I promised myself I wouldn’t say anything today. But then I see you and I can’t stop myself.”

“I know the feeling.”

“Do you? I keep wondering if it’s just me.”

The heat simmering under my skin is proof that’s not true. Each time we see each other, the risks grow bigger. There’s so much at stake. For the D&D group, yes, but for me personally too. What if I lose Kashvi over this? Or what if I pursue things with Logan and it all ends up imploding? If we started anything in earnest and it fell apart, it would decimate my heart. The way I feel about him, the level of trust I have in him already, it’s beyond anything I’ve felt before. I don’t know if I can open myself up to the possibility of that pain.

But maybe if we stop right now before things go further, there’s a chance we can preserve the game and our friendships. I groan and rub my hands over my face.

“Are you okay?”

“Not really. I don’t know.” I shake my head, heavy with the knowledge of what we need to do. “We can’t keep going like this, Logan. This…this in-between where we’re not together but we’re not just friends either. It’s too hard.”

“What should we do instead?”

“We should stop seeing each other.”

“But what would we do about Saturdays?” He steps closer, almost like he can’t stop himself. “We can’t avoid each other forever.”

“We can avoid being alone together,” I say. “It’s only a problem when we’re alone.”

“I’m not sure I’d agree this is aproblem.” He lifts his hand and trails the pad of his thumb down my jawline. His fingers are cold, but that’s not why I shiver.

“You’re doing it again.”

He tilts his head up to the sky. “Yeah, I am. I’m not sure I can stop.”

“This is what I’m talking about.”

I hate this so much that I’m tempted to swallow my words and change the subject. But then I remember Kashvi and her comments about Logan. They’re burned into my mind. How could she not feel betrayed if I moved forward with him knowing she’s liked him and done nothing because of her loyalty to the group? I want to explain all this so he’ll understand why I’m so concerned. The problem is that Kashvi’s secret isn’t mine to tell. I could never break her confidence by saying something to him about it.

The reminder cements my feelings like nothing else could.

“We shouldn’t be alone together anymore,” I state with the least emotion possible.

“Can I be honest?”

“Probably a bad choice, but yeah.”

“It won’t be enough.” Logan glances back at the house to make sure we’re still alone and ducks his head toward me. “Even if I can’t see you, I’ll still want to talk to you. I want your opinions on my assassin campaign. I want to tell you how Susie Q is doing—total manipulator, by the way. She has Mom wrapped around her tail. I want to see pictures of your latest jewelry and get updates on how Barbara is doing.”

“Don’t worry about that. She’ll text you without telling me and then you’ll show up at her house again unannounced.”

“I couldn’t turn her down.”

“And when she sends us back up to the attic alone again?”

His eyes glitter and I know he’s imagining what we could do up there alone. He blows out a breath. “I’m starting to understand your point better. We really have gotten ourselves into a mess, haven’t we?”

“A colossal mess.”

“So…okay, maybe you have the right idea,” he says. “We go cold turkey for a while. See each other on Saturdays for the game, and otherwise…”

“We’re strangers.”

We both nod in silent agreement, and I swallow past the sadness threatening to overtake me. I know why we’re doing this, but it doesn’t change the fact that I just lost one of the best things in my life.

Chapter Twenty-Six