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Grayson and Nix had driven back to the safe house with Emmy and Nimue. There must have been some further talk Jay hadn’t been privy to.

“Magic users channel magic through their soul, right? It’s like breathing. But Hayes wasn’t magic. He had to have bargained his soul to a bad magic-user. Nimue calls them Arcanas. They can pull on The Plain through someone else’s soul.”

A surge of alarm rises through Jay’s chest at the phrasing—for Nix and Grayson.

Nix seems to realize the problem immediately as his eyes widen, and he waves his hands.

“Oh no! Not like Gray and me. He uses my soul because it’s also his soul. We share it. It’s weird, I know. But Arcanas do this terrible blood ritual, and there’s a trade for services. Like a deal with the devil.” He shivers.

“So Arcanas offer a trade, and the person gives them access to their soul?”

“Yes. Nimue says it damages them both because, as I said, regular souls aren’t designed to handle The Plain, and adding it to the fact that the magic is imbued with the often-bad intent of the Arcanas…it’s bad for them both.”

“Dark and twisted.”

“Exactly. Arcanas even smell bad to humans, and the person whose soul is being used like a battery to power a spell—well, they rot from the inside.Nimue says they are often tainted to begin with, because who sells their freaking soul? But then, the more the spell draws, the worse they get until they go insane.”

“The amulet. It used Hayes’ soul to hide you from me, and it made him crazier and crazier.”

“That it did,” Nix whispers, his eyes far away for a second, and Jay regrets it instantly.

“Nix—”

He shakes his head and forces a small smile. “It’s okay. I’m good. But I think I feel better, knowing more about it.”

“How? He was still terrible. The effect was still the same; still horrible.”

“Yeah, no, that’s not what makes me feel better at all. Because yeah, that sucked. Still sucks, some days. But you know what does make me feel better? Knowing he was worse because his soul was being eaten alive. He suffered.

“If Nimue is to be believed, he will always suffer. There will be no new life for Dawson Ulysses Haversham Hayes—not ever.”

Put like that? It makes Jay feel slightly better, too.

“So, as I was saying, you are my guardian. You protect us. In every aspect of our lives, you do the best for me. In the same way Finnie uses his knowledge to care for us, you use yours to show us all the ways you love us.”

“Of course I love you all. It’s my entire reason to live.”

“Exactly.” He punctuates his emphatic statements with a slap to Jay’s thigh.

“I’m confused.”

“Nuh-uh! I worked so hard on this metaphor when I was in there, listening to Leo snore. By the way, let’s get him some nose strips tomorrow—today. Every time he snores, Ro growls. It’s distracting.”

Alas, Jay knows this from experience.

“Let me try again. You are an amazing human—er—Were-being, Jamie. You always do your best because you are a man amongst men. We see your heart in everything you do, and even though you sacrifice for us, is it toomuch to ask to let us carry some of your burdens? No—don’t interrupt me, I am on a roll.”

What Jay was going to say was yes, it is too much to ask. He tries to carry his burdens himself so he can be sure nothing adds to his mates’ load. He knows he’s not successful all the time; Gideon and Leo especially help him shield their other mates.

“Jamie, you say we are your equals. You treat us as if we are in almost everything you say and do. In public, in private, in life.

But in this, your grief and your guilt and your sorrow? You would hold that back?”

“Didn’t you give Leo the opposite pep talk two weeks ago?” Jay tries to divert his mate again.

“Fuck off. Yes, but Leo’s issue with his mom is different.”

Jay’s stomach drops. “Nix—”