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“I know,” he said. “I think that’s why I didn’t kiss you on the plane. I just sensed something wasn’t right, but—”

Maybe he was right. Maybe I didn’t know my own mind sometimes. Especially with everything that happened today. Seeing Su dead on the ceremonial floor. Someone who I should’ve been able to get to know. Unfortunately, that choice was taken away from me. Maybe that’s why I tried to force it with Rafe.

I turned toward him, my knees almost contacting his, but he pulled away. I bit my lip. “Will you still stay on?” If anything good could come out of this, it was that Rafe was a talented soldier, and if he truly wanted to help us, he would be an asset. “I understand if you don’t want to.”

His hands turned to fists. “I’m staying. I’ve finally found what I’m meant to do. That I’m sure of.”

I blew out a breath, but the more I stayed, the more an awkward feeling crept up my spine. I looked over and saw his jaw tighten. He probably wanted nothing more than for me to leave.

I stood, my legs shaky underneath me as if my very foundations had been shifted during this.

It was harder than I thought to turn people down. Especially when they were good people like Rafe. Someone who’d opened to me completely, but I still just didn’t feel the same way about them as they did me. “I’m sorry,” I repeated.

He met my eyes once more. “Me too.”

I swallowed and turned, not saying anything else as I made my way from the room. Just as I was pulling the door closed my phone rang. I fished it out of my pocket and tried to keep my voice under control as I answered it. “Yeah?”

It was Papa Nic. He paused for a moment before he said anything. Papa Connor or Papa Stephan would’ve asked me why I answered the phone like that, but that wasn’t Nicolai’s style. “We can’t find Dumont.”

“What?”

“He’s not in his room. We don’t know where he is.”

“I’ll be right there,” I said, cursing inside my head.

I knew he knew something. I took off down the hallway, my eyes peeled on my parents’ door as I thought about where Felix could be. And, about what the hell he meant earlier when he tried to tell me something.

By the time I knocked on my parents’ door, a headache had taken root and was spreading to my temples.

All in a day’s work for this princess, though.

At least, that’s what my new reality was now.