Page 18

"I gave it away; I was so stupid," I rasped, staring at the knife, telling myself I hadn't lost it, it was still here. "I don't—I don't have anything else—"

"Shh," Emlyn murmured, pulling me into a bear hug that dwarfed me in heat and comfort.

Harvey pressed himself flush to my back, dropping slow, calming kisses on my shoulders. Kai stroked my hair until I could draw a long, shuddering breath. Wane folded his hand around mine, shadows caressing my knuckles. Like they could all sense the fractures in my sanity, the breaks in my soul.

Losing my mate should have killed me. Instead, would I deteriorate like my mates had without me all those years? Would I forget Wyn? Would I forgot how to speak and love and do anything except fight?

"What if I turn feral?" I dared to ask, gripping the dagger until my knuckles turned white.

"You brought us back," Emlyn reminded me, worry deep in his blue eyes. "We can bring you back, too."

I swallowed, and nodded. That seemed optimistic, but he wasn't wrong.

Em wiped a tear away and leaned closer, kissing my cheek in a long brush. He pulled a face and asked, "What do you taste of…?"

A laugh rose unbidden from the depths of my stomach, the sound relaxing the wall of tension and tightly-coiled muscle around me, relief hitting my bonds.

"Giant panda tongue," I told Em.

His face wrinkled further, a cute furrow in his scrunched nose. "Yuck."

I laughed again, my cheeks aching with a smile after crying so hard. "The good news is you met my best friend and she didn't eat you. That's positive."

Wane's hand tightened around mine. "You don't meanactuallyeat…?"

"Oh, I do. I watched her eat a guy. She crunched his skull like a bar snack."

"Shit," Kai breathed, a little shudder running through him. "The friends you choose, my rose…"

I sniffled, brushing tears and panda slobber off my face. "Yeah, well I chose you fuckers. Did you think I'd pick normal besties?"

"She has a point," Harvey said warmly, sending a brush of affection down my soul that made tears threaten my eyes again.

"I won't leave you again," I promised now I'd calmed down and could think clearly—for now. Grief was still messing with my head. I knew it wouldn't ever stop. "I fucked up."

"You're forgiven," Emlyn murmured. "And if you needed your friends, you only had to say, Hales."

"Kinda rude that we're not your entire world, but okay," Kai muttered, joking. Or I thought he was joking. Actually I wasn't sure.

"I didn't plan any of this," I told them. "They sort of just … swaddled me in hugs and crackers before I could stop them. It's nice to have girlfriends, though."

"No sex," Kai hissed, his eyes glowing.

I rolled my eyes. "Possessive psycho. Two of them are married to each other, one has a whole parade of scary men, and Tali's a giant panda. Calm your tits, Malakai."

Kai grabbed his chest in both hands, faking being affronted. "Me and my tits willnotcalm, thank you very much."

I snorted.

Wane lifted our joined hands and brushed a kiss to my knuckles. His soul was a tangle of panic, pain, and relief, but it was bundled up in sympathy and love, sharper and clearer than the other's emotions. "Can we go home now you've got your dagger?"

"Yeah," I breathed, double checking it was still in my hand. "We can go home."

We'd be safe in the Edinburgh house.

But safe didn't make a difference when the clock was ticking down, and our curses were still unbroken.

A week left—that's all we had. A week until we killed each other.