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"What else?" Ashley asked, her eyebrows hoisted so high they were practically in the middle of her forehead.

"I don't know. Maybe. . . a plant or a bug."

"A bug! Crystal, you don't believe that, do you?"

"I don't know what I believe," I said. "Sometimes I imagine my real mother is with me, her spirit, but then I think that's silly."

"It's not silly. It's beautiful," Ashley said. "I'm not going to be any bug, Bernie Felder. Maybe you are."

"Maybe," Bernie said casually.

"You don't care?"

"Why should I care? I won't know anything different," he said, and Ashley groaned.

"I swear," she said. "Scientists are the most boring people. I hate the subject, especially

experiments with all those smelly chemicals and dead worms. Experiments make me sick."

"I bet I can think of an experiment you'd like. How about an experiment to find out what kind of kisses we like best?" I asked her, thinking she'd call my bluff.

"Crystal!" she said, shifting her eyes to Bernie.

"What kind of experiment?" he asked excitedly.

I made up an experiment that was almost like a contest--judging the best kiss. He listened and nodded without laughing. Ashley's face turned pink when I turned to ask if she was willing to join in.

"Interesting," Bernie said. "I don't see how it's really scientific . . ." He thought a moment and then nodded at me. "But I'd like to be part of it."

"Good," I said.

"What?" Ashley cried. "Crystal, I thought you were just kidding!"

"Don't be chicken, Ashley," Bernie said. "It's not like we're doing anything serious--just kissing?'

"But I don't want to be judged against Crystal . I've never kissed a boy before!" she cried, turning to me for help.

I wanted to make Ashley feel better and tell her I'd never kissed a boy, either, but I wanted to keep my inexperience from Bernie. "You'll have to swear to keep this a secret. You know what someone like Helga would do if she found out."

Ashley looked at Bernie and then at me apprehensively.

"You're not going to get pregnant or anything like that," Bernie promised. "You're just going to discover more about yourself, and it will be knowledge that will make you wiser, stronger. That's the purpose and power of knowledge."

"He's right," I said. "Okay?"

"Maybe," Ashley said. "I'll see," she added cautiously, but I could tell she was almost as intrigued about it as we were.

Bernie volunteered to set up what he called the control procedures. He said we would be more secure if we met at his house. With some reluctance, Ashley agreed.

"This is like playing doctor," she whispered to me when we left my room.

"Did you ever do that?" I asked. She shifted her eyes to Bernie and then to me.

"No," she said. "Did you?"

"No, but I wanted to," I admitted.

She took a small breath and said, "Me, too:'