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He swiveled around, taking her hands in his as they faced each other. Their knees bumped, and she seemed anxious, as if she wanted to pull away but didn’t. “How do you know you didn’t see him?”
He and Vivi had both asked her the same question when she kept denying she might be able to identify her mugger to the police. “If Ihadseen him, and I could remember what happened…”
“It’s normal to be scared to recall his face. Just like being scared of remembering the man who came to your house the night of the fire. But I need you to try. Even if you didn’t see him there may be something that surfaces that might lead us to him.”
Instead of jerking away like he had anticipated she would, she exhaled slowly and groaned.
That sound, along with the determined look she gave him, sent certain parts of his anatomy into overdrive. He had to snap himself out of it. Every damn thing she did fired up his libido. Simply holding her hands and not being able to tug her close for reassurance, not to mention the other things he wanted to do to her, was driving him nuts. “I’m not scared to remember,” she insisted. “I can do this.”
“Yes, you can. It helps to close your eyes. Take yourself back to that night in the alley. I’m right here with you, and nothing and no one can hurt you in this moment.”
She did as instructed, allowing her lids to shut, but she couldn’tnotcomplain. “We’ve already tried this, remember? I’m not good at visualizing. It doesn’t…”
Her sudden silence and the grimace on her face suggested the opposite. “What is it?” he coaxed.
Body growing tense, she swallowed, but then gave a weak smile. “Nothing. I remembered I haven’t done laundry today.”
He chuckled and swore softly under his breath. This woman. He squeezed her hands. “That’s what you’re grimacing about?”
“No, dummy. My head hurts. Every time I try to recall that night, I get a sharp pain that radiates from the back of my skull to the spot behind my eyes.”
He hated to push her, but he needed her to get past that limitation, that barrier. He thought about the times Vivi had brought him to his edge, and, no surprise, pushing never worked. It was a failing of his, maybe, but he always pushed back.
Instead, she’d switched tactics and taught him to relax about the demons chaining him to the past. To imagine the barriers dissolving. He didn’t need to bulldoze through every wall in order to access his deepest fears and overcome them. He needed to simply acknowledge and question why they were there. Respect them, and then respect that he didn’t need them holding him back anymore.
“Stop and take a deep breath,” he told her, doing his best to channel Vivi. After she did so, he continued. “Instead of imagining yourself in the alley, go back to when you were safe in Jose’s car. What are you feeling?”
“Excited. Happy. A little anxious.”
The last surprised him. “Anxious? Why?”
“Because of you.” She peeked open an eye. “You can be very intimidating at times and I really wanted everything to be perfect that night.”
He smiled, considering the fact that he’d felt the same way. Damn Vivi for always being right. “What made you want to get out and walk?”
She opened the other eye and stared directly into his. “I couldn’t wait to see you.”
It took his breath away, that admission. Her look of total honesty. “I was sitting in the restaurant anxious as all hell to see you, too.”
“You were?”
“Of course I was.”
Her grin turned conspiratory. He returned it.
“I’m not sure I can make it four more days,” she whispered.
Another admission he hadn’t expected, but damn, he was glad to hear it. “Me neither.”
“How about a caveat? If I can remember something right now, our original agreement can be rewritten.”
How could he pass up that kind of deal? “You’re on.”
Motivated and all business once more, she closed her eyes, inhaled, and spoke. “I’m getting out of the car and admiring my flashy pink sneakers. I know it sounds frivolous, but I love those shoes. I hear sirens, and the various noises of the cars due to the traffic jam. I leave them behind and hurry along the sidewalk, following my app with the green line that zigzags through the blocks to get to the back of the restaurant and…yuck, the alley smells terrible.” She screwed up her nose. “There are puddles of grossness everywhere, and I hop over one, trying not to ruin my shoes. I’m texting you that I’m nearly there when”—she sucked in a breath, body going rigid.
He held tight when she jerked, trying to pull away. “Breathe and rewind. Stay in your happy place for a minute and allow your brain to dissolve whatever is keeping that door shut on your memories. You aren’t there, you’re here with me.”
Her chest heaved, but the stiffness lessened and she tilted her head as though seeing something behind her lids. “I don’t remember being struck. It’s fuzzy, but I do recall being on the ground. I heard…footsteps.”