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“What’s going on?” I demand, looking around the room.
Every member of my family—except Kat, who is smirking—looks at me with wide, unblinking eyes.
“What do you mean, honey?” my mom asks.
I gesture with a circling motion. “This. This small talk going on and acting like you’re okay with me living my life in Pennsylvania and not back here at the farm. Acting like you have pride in what I’m doing, when—”
“We do have pride in what you do,” my dad says, cutting me off.
“I know,” I exclaim, feeling a loss of control. “I mean, I get that you do. But you had more pride when I was here, showing horses and winning. When I wouldn’t get back in the ring, it broke everything. You were all relentless, trying to get me to do something I didn’t want to do anymore. All you ever did was try to get me to come back, and no one took me seriously that I was finished.”
I suck in a deep breath. That was a massive release getting that all off my chest.
“Honey,” my mom says, stepping toward me. “We tried to do what we always do—”
“No.” I cut her off with a raised hand, and my voice shrills. I’m afraid she’s going to say something that will prove I’ve been wrong about my family all along. I’m flooded with embarrassment that Kellen is watching this, knowing I’m probably going to send him scurrying now that I’ve dragged him into family drama. “I’m sorry… I can’t do this…”
I pivot away from the group with the intention of fleeing the house. I have no clue where I’ll go. Normally when I’m upset, I go to my horses.
I make it no more than two steps when my arm is caught, and I turn to see it’s Kellen. “Stay,” he says softly. “Talk this out.”
“But…”
I look around at my family, and they’re all staring at me, concern etched on their faces—not recrimination.
Not even Ethan, who tried to force me to return home when he came to Pennsylvania.
“Abby,” my dad says, moving toward me. Kellen’s gentle grip slides from my forearm to my hand. He squeezes it briefly and then steps away from me. I want to grab back onto him, a lifeline, but instead turn to face my father. His hands come to my shoulders. “After Molly’s accident, your confidence took a massive hit. And yes, we all tried to get you back on the proverbial horse. It’s what we do. We’re horse people, and we’ve all had our scary times—”
“You’ve not seen someone killed.” I look from him to my mom, and then back again. “You didn’t set into action a chain of events that caused someone’s death.”
“You didn’t cause that,” Ethan says, shifting beside my dad. “Lunar didn’t cause it. Molly did by coming up on you and Lunar did what scared horses do. It was a horrible fluke she got hung up on the stirrup.”
“Maybe so. But none of you could accept that I just couldn’t get past it. You all hounded me to get back in the ring, and—”
“We did what you would have done for any of us,” Wade says. “It’s the way we are. We work hard, we pick ourselves up, and we get back to it. If that was me afraid to get back in the ring, you would’ve been constantly on me.”
“Yeah, but—”
“No buts,” Trey says, stepping forward to add his two cents. “We pushed you, and yeah, we pushed you hard. We wanted you to get back into that ring because you were amazing at it, Abby. You have talent beyond anything any of us have ever seen, and we wanted to make the effort to get you back there.”
“But when you made your choice, we accepted it,” my mom adds. “We wanted you to come back home and practice here. If not Blackburn Farms, then at least in the area so we could all be together.”
“No,” I insist, shaking my head. “You wanted me to show again.”
“You’re wrong.” I jolt as I realize Kat’s speaking, and I turn to my twin. “I love you like no other, Thing One, but no one pushed you to get back in that ring once you made your final decision. If you felt that pressure, it was coming from you and not us. I’m guessing it was guilt, which you obviously still feel, that kept you away. But you want to blame us, and it’s not fair anymore.”
I cover my face with my hands, everything a jumble of facts and overactive imagination. Is it possible I read too much into their words and actions? Did I run to Pennsylvania because of my own guilt and put it on my family as my reason to stay away?
“Abby.” Kellen encircles my wrists and pulls my hands from my face. He looms in front of me with a reassuring smile. “I love you.”