Page 89

“It’s fine,” Ryder told her.

She went to the vodka and poured his drink, adding some ice cubes. “You want the orange juice?”

“Sure, thanks,” he said after she handed it to him.

“Well, now,” Kiera said, sitting in one of the chairs. We sat on the sofa. “So, you’re the famous couple who have been tearing up the floors of old Pacifica.”

Ryder took a sip of his drink. “Not the floors. Just a few walls.”

“Well, let’s not worry about it for a few days,” Kiera said. “There’s a great dance club we can go to nearby. I know the guys at the door, so you two won’t have any trouble getting in. Are you hungry?”

“A little,” Ryder said, looking at me.

“I’m talking about food,” Kiera said. She downed the rest of her drink. “Tell you what. You two need to catch your breath and stuff. Lots of stuff. I’ll go pick up a couple of pizzas for now. I want to stop at the mall near here and get a few other things first, so I’ll be gone about two hours.”

She stood up.

“That way,” she continued, “you can get a night’s sleep, too.”

“Night’s sleep? Why would that be a problem?”

“I meant, when it comes time to sleep, you’ll just go to sleep and won’t need to think of or do anything else,” she replied. She tossed her hair back and reached for her purse. “We’ll have plenty of time later to get to know each other.”

“Right,” Ryder said. “Thanks for setting this up.”

“I know it looks like it, but I didn’t do it only for you two. I intend to have a fun night away from the dull dorm. Call me if you think of anything you need,” she told me. “Although I think you have all you want for now,” she added, nodding at Ryder.

We watched her leave.

“Wow,” he said. “She doesn’t beat around the bush.”

“You can believe her when she says she did all this for herself as much as for us. She enjoys doing forbidden things or being part of them.”

“I don’t want to ever think of you as being forbidden, Sasha.”

“I know. I feel the same way about you, but I can’t deny that I’m afraid.”

He put his glass down and turned to me. “Fear makes it all more exciting, not that I need anything to make me more excited about you,” he said, and kissed me. “The whole time driving up here, I thought only of your eyes and your lips.”

His words weren’t just wonderful to hear. They were calming me, making me feel safe. This was right, I thought. What was being done to us was wrong. We kissed again, and then we both rose and walked slowly to the bedroom. I leaned against him, resting the side of my head on his shoulder. He kissed me again, softly and then more demandingly. I felt as if I was sinking into his arms, sinking into him. He pulled back the cover sheet on the bed, and we sat, still kissing and holding each other. His lips grazed my cheek, my neck. He lifted my light sweater off me. I raised my arms to help, and in moments, both moving in a delicious frenzy, we were naked, clinging to each other.

Before, when we were moving this quickly in his bedroom, I feared that I was being as gullible and as naive as I had been with Kiera’s friends. It took me a long time to stop blaming myself as much as if not more than I blamed them for my being seduced. While most girls would be cautious and even reluctant for other reasons, I couldn’t throw off the weight of my horrible memories that easily. Of course, I would question every kiss, every touch, every pronouncement of love and affection any boy made.

But I felt very close to Ryder now, despite how short our romance was to this point. In my heart, I felt the beat of his. In my mind, I heard his thoughts and fears. I had the same sense of desperation and the same great need to become closer, more intimate, more trusting. We found sanctuary in each other. In his smile and in his eyes, I saw not only the same sort of pain but also the way past it. It was difficult for either of us to believe in anyone or anything, for that matter, but we knew instinctively, even when we had fenced with each other verbally, that once we believed in each other, we would find the joy and salvation that love could bring.

He moved between my legs. He raised himself so he could look down at me, and then we began to make love, truly to become one with each other for a glorious time when all of the troubles we knew retreated, fled from our hunger for each other. This can’t be bad, I thought. We will know each other deeply, fully, and completely after this. I’ll know his every whim and worry. He’ll read every smile and silence in me. We’ll sense each other’s trepidations. We’ll realize what really makes each of us happy. We will become knowledgeable about each other’s moods and navigate safely to each other’s hearts.

My little cries of pleasure made him more graceful and gentle. When we were comfortably exhausted, we kissed to put a seal of satisfaction on each other’s lips and then just lay there silently, holding hands and waiting for our hearts to calm, our blood to settle.

Suddenly, he laughed.

“What?”

“I was just imagining my father’s face when my mother tells him I ran off. If he’s with some actor friends, he’ll moan and groan about how he’s done everything he can for me. He’ll become Othello or some other Shakespearean character crying out his frustration. He might even slip into a soliloquy or two.”

“And your mother?”

“She’ll rush out to get a facial. This could bring on a deep wrinkle.”