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I needed something real, because my world had just come crashing down around my ears; but all around me nothing seemed to have changed.

I was surrounded by the same bodegas, the same little coffee shops, and the same mass of anonymous people walking the streets on either side of me. It was as if everything remained the same – as if my carefully planned future hadn’t just been cruelly snuffed out.

All those years I’d spent with Jason. Our love together – the laughs and tears.

They were lies. All lies.

I’d stormed out of the apartment I shared with Jason, and didn’t have anywhere else to go. That’s how I ended up taking the subway back to the same office I always returned to – the place I’d spent more time in over the last ten years than even my own home.

Ten years buildingour… No,myfuture now.

Just like outside, in the lobby of the office block nothing has changed. The world is unaware that it has come crashing down around my ears. The same security guard I always pass gives me the same respectful nod he always does, and the same button in the elevator produces the same ‘ding’ as the door closes like it always does.

It all seems, sounds,smellsthe same…

Except now, everything has changed.

Now, everything I worked for is gone. I’ve built a future and it’s been snuffed out.

The doors open with a cheerfulding.

Marissa, our lovely secretary, greets me with a smile. It’s hard to look at her right now. It’s not her fault. The bubbly blonde has no idea that her age alone reminds me of the images I can’t push out of my head – of Joshua, buried balls-deep inside that barely-legal slut.

Marissa’s father founded this law firm – but no one can claim she got the position at the front desk out of nepotism. She applied for the position under a fake name, beat out the other candidates at an interview in which nobody knew her, and won the position fair and square. Marissa didn’t reveal her true identity untilaftershe had the job.

“How did Joshua react?”

Just like with everyone else – the homeless veteran, the security guard downstairs, even the damn elevator – she has no idea that my world has just been destroyed.

I stop in my tracks.

It takes me too long to figure out the meaning of Marissa’s cheerful question. My mind is usually sharp as a whip, but right now I feel like I’m in a daze.

“He… He wasecstatic.”

It wasn’t a lie. I remembered thesoundsJoshua was making when I walked in on him – onthem. He was inecstasy, alright – he never made those sounds withme.

I remembered the noises he’d uttered, and then I remembered the words – when he’d turned to confront me, the sweat dripping from his brow, stinking with the sweat from his passion with another woman.

“Eight months,” he’d said.

That’s what hurts the most. Eight months of Joshua telling me he’s working the same, long hours as I was – to get his freelance media and marketing company off the ground.

“Off the ground.”

It’s beenonthe ground for the last ten years – and it stayed there no matter how much money I poured into it. All my friends judged me for staying with Joshua, but I’d always thought that when we’d have kids, he’d be the perfect dad. There was something so youthful and vibrant about Joshua that kept drawing me in.

Like a moth to flame.

A sickening fist forms in my stomach – as though someone is playing with my insides. Of those thousands of dollars I kept giving Joshua every few months, how much went towards his business…

…and how much towards his little, teenage princess?

Oblivious to my thoughts, Marissa listens to my words - and brightens up even more, if that’s even possible.

“I’msooohappy for you, Aubrey! And listen, since you’re back in the office already, your first meeting as a partner starts in five minutes. I… My God, this issoembarrassing… But, Aubrey… Youinspireme. You made partner at thirty-two! That takessomuch hard work and determination! It’ssuchan honor working with you.”

Marissa speaks so earnestly – her bright, red cheeks flushed with the embarrassment of telling me how much she looks up to me.