Page 95

His mind screamed at him. He was a fool; there was no doubt about it. How could he have allowed himself to hurt the one woman he truly cared for?

Suddenly, his stomach growled. He could not quite remember the last time he had eaten.

After his rather shameful retreat from his wife’s bedchamber, he had been unable to bear the pain he had caused, and in that flurry of emotions, he had packed a few clothes and left for Magnus’s gambling hell.

But he had begun to regret his decision as soon as his carriage took off. The loud and rowdy gambling hell was the last place he wanted to be after leaving his wife. However, he did not have a lot of options.

He could not go to William’s house, since his wife was Ava’s sister. And he could not go to Theo’s because, even though his friend was a bachelor and would have a spare bedchamber for him, the man would simply bombard him with questions.

What Edwin had needed more than anything was silence and solitude.

Thankfully, Magnus has been gracious enough to let him use one of the spare rooms in the establishment. His friend had not even asked him why he had turned up there so late at night.

However, now that it was morning and he had woken up in a dingy room with a sore back, he began to realize just how foolhardy his decision had been.

He needed to return home. He needed to return to his wife. And yet the more he thought about it, the more he realized that Ava was better off without him.

How could he possibly face her after the way he had left? Moreover, seeing him would only cause her more hurt and pain.

He groaned as he lay back on the uncomfortable bed. He would simply stay there as long as he could. He could not return home, not yet.

The door to the room suddenly slammed open, and he bolted upright. His head was now spinning from the constant movement.

Magnus walked in, bearing a breakfast tray. Edwin’s mouth immediately watered at the sight of food, and his stomach growled even louder. The last time he had eaten was the previous morning.

His friend set the tray in front of him, and Edwin only acknowledged him with a nod before he dug in.

It was not until he had filled his stomach that he finally spoke. “Thank you, Blackmore. I was simply starving.”

Magnus, who was now sitting on a couch opposite him, nodded. “What happened to you?”

Edwin only shrugged. How could he tell his friend that he had run away from home because he had hurt his wife?

“You know you can talk to me, Gillingham. I know you, and I know it is quite out of character for you to leave your home and set up camp in a gambling hell. Especially when you have a wife at home.”

Edwin sighed. Magnus was right; his friends were the only people he could open up to.

“I am afraid I hurt Ava,” he confessed.

Magnus furrowed his brow in confusion.

Of course,his friend did not understand. He was an unmarried man who had never fallen in love before.

“I am far too dangerous for her. I could not live with myself if I harmed her.”

“Gillingham, you could never hurt your wife,” Magnus said. “I know how much you have come to care for Ava.”

“She wanted to see my face, and I could not even let her.” Edwin hung his head.

“I know how frightening it must be for you,” Magnus said softly, “but you must let her see your face. It is the only way she can fully trust you.”

Edwin shook his head. “I simply cannot. What if my scars scare her? What if she cannot love me after seeing them?”

“You are being ridiculous, Edwin,” Magnus scoffed. “You might as well have no face, and Ava would still love you. How can you not see it? No scar would deter her.”

Edwin’s heart skipped a beat. “Is that so?”

“If only you could see how she looked at you when we visited.”