Page 47

"Oh, I wanted you to have some money," he began, and dug into his pocket to produce a billfold and pulled out some large bills. I started to shake my head. "No, please, take it and hide it," he insisted. "First chance you get, put it in the bank. Having a little money of your own will give you some independence, Janet." He forced the money into my hand. "You won't be here long," he said, looking around. "You're a very talented, beautiful child."

I didn't know what to say to him.

"Well, maybeI'll look in on you from time to time. Would you like that?"

I shook my head and he looked surprised.

"You wouldn't? Why not?"

"When you get old, you lose your memory," I said, "so you won't remember what you can't have anymore."

He stared at me and smiled.

"Who told you that?"

I shrugged. "Nobody. I thought it up one day."

"You're probably right. It's nature's way. But I hope you don't forget me, Janet. I won't forget you."

"Celine's already forgotten me," I said.

"She's just mixed you up with memories of herself," he said.

"Then it's better she forgets?'

He looked like he was going to cry. All he had ever done before was kiss me softly on the forehead and hold my hand crossing streets. He went to his knees this time and embraced me, holding me to him for a moment.

"I wanted a daughter like you, more than anything," he whispered. Then he kissed me on the cheek and stood up quickly, turned, and walked out of the room. I listened to his footsteps descending the stairway.

For a long moment I just sat there staring at the floor. Finally I went to the window and looked down and saw his car disappear down the road. I started to cry, the first tear exploding in a hot drop to trickle down my cheek, when suddenly a beautiful butterfly landed on the windowsill. It lingered for a moment and then lifted into the wind. I watched it flutter away and I thought, someday, that will be me.