Page 67

God, why did she always turn into a bag of nerves whenever she stood on Halle’s doorstep? Standing tall, shoulders back, Lydia gave off the air of someone totally in control and calm. It was bullshit, but she looked the part.

Giving three rapid knocks, Lydia took a step back and waited. And waited. What was taking Halle so long? Lydia could hear her in there. Finally, after a ridiculous amount of time, the door creaked open. Halle stood there looking… sad. It seemed to take her a second to register it was Lydia standing at her door. When the realisation hit, Halle’s cheeks flushed, and her eyes grew wide.

“L-Lydia, hi.”

“Hey Halle. Um, could I come in for a second?”

“What, yeah, of course. Sure, come in.”

Brushing past Halle, Lydia was hit with the same smell that made her a little weak at the knees. Halle’s smell. “It’s nice and warm in here.” Well, that was stating the obvious and a terrible attempt at starting a conversation.

“Yeah. Um, tea?”

“Sure.” Following Halle into the kitchen, Lydia couldn’t help but notice the state of Halle’s usually immaculate flat. Dishes piled up in the sink. Clothes lay strewn on different bits of furniture. As for Halle, she looked tired. The sad look Lydia noticed at the door was now replaced with… cautious optimism? Could you even see that kind of emotion in a person?

“Do you want to take a seat?” Halle began removing paper and plates from the table.

“Thanks.” They fell silent as Halle boiled the kettle. “How have you been?”

Turning, Halle gave Lydia a small smile. “Fine, thanks. You, um, everything okay, you know, after the op?”

“I’m great. Elise gave me a new pill. It might take a while to settle things down, but I already feel better.”

“That’s wonderful. I’m really pleased for you, Lydia.” Silence again. Breathing out slowly through her nose, Lydia jumped straight to it.

“I saw Fe.” Halle visibly stiffened. “She told me you guys have fallen out.”

“Did she now.”

“Halle?”

“Lydia, it’s between me and Fe. I’m surprised you’re here advocating for her, after the way she treated you. After the way, we both treated you.” Halle’s voice dipped as she spoke the last few words. Lydia couldn’t take it anymore. Halle looking so… broken was soul destroying. Standing, Lydia closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around the much taller woman. Halle only took a second to relax into it. “I’m so sorry, Lyds.”

“It’s okay.” Lydia felt Halle breathing her in. Small shivers ran down her neck as Halle exhaled on her skin. Needing to keep control of the situation, Lydia slowly released her grip and took a step back. “Can we talk?”

“If it’s about you and me, yes.”

“Fair enough.” Sitting back down, Lydia sipped her tea. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to talk when we last saw each other. I was feeling hurt.”

“I know.”

“I want us to be friends, Halle. Real friends.”

“Just friends?”

Squeezing her fingers together, Lydia powered through. God, she wanted to throw her own rules out the window and ride Halle like a bloody cowgirl in heat all night, but she couldn’t. Lydia needed to sort herself out first. Learn to be happy with herself. “Yes. Just friends. I bought a house.”

“Wow, okay.”

“And I made a list of all the things I want to do.”

“A list?”

“Yes. I know it probably sounds a bit wonky—”

“No, it doesn’t. What’s on this list?”

“Um, stuff like skydiving, bungee jumping. Cathy thinks I’m nuts. I’m not. I just realised I’ve let myself get into a rut. I’ve been unhappy for so long. Unhappy with myself if I’m truthful. For a little while at least, I need to do things for myself and by myself.”