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She cocks her head slightly. “And other times?”
I nibble on my lower lip while trying to decide how to compose my answer. “Other times, I wonder if I’m just projecting what I want to see because the alternative is too scary to think about.”
Jessie nods thoughtfully. “What scares you more? That he doesn’t love you, or that he does?”
I consider the question, surprised by how difficult it is to answer. “Both, I think. If he doesn’t love me, I’m just a convenience. Just someone to carry his child and warm his bed when he wants company. But if he does love me...”
“Then you’re falling in love with a man whose enemies would use you to destroy him.”
“Exactly, and he’d never let me go if I decide that’s what I want someday.” I take a sip of sparkling water, wishing it were something stronger. “Either way, I lose.”
She surprises me by shaking her head. “Not necessarily. Maybe there’s a third option.”
“Which is?”
“Maybe love isn’t about winning or losing. Maybe it’s about choosing to be vulnerable with someone despite the risks.” Shereaches across the table to squeeze my hand. “Your mom loved your dad, even knowing he might leave. She still thought it was worth it to have you.”
The comparison makes my chest tighten. “And look how that turned out.”
“She got you out of it. That wasn’t nothing, Brina. That was everything.”
We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, watching the gardens through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Then Jessie speaks again, her voice quieter. “Has he told you about his brother? About what happened?”
“A little. I know someone named Irina killed him, and that’s who Nikandr was looking for when he found me.”
“Maksim told me more about it on the drive here. Not details, but enough to understand why Nikandr is the way he is.” She pauses, choosing her words carefully. “He’s been alone for a long time, Sabrina. Really alone. The kind of alone that changes a person fundamentally.”
“What are you saying?”
She appears to be carefully choosing her words. “I’m saying maybe the reason he doesn’t know how to show love is because he hasn’t had anyone to love in ten years. That doesn’t mean he’s not capable of it.”
The idea hadn’t occurred to me before, but it makes a certain kind of sense. I think about the gentle way he touches me when he thinks I’m asleep, like he’s still surprised I’m real. It’s impossible not to notice the way he remembers small details about my preferences and tries to accommodate them withoutbeing asked. “You think I should give him a chance?” I’ve been fighting what I feel for him, so the idea of surrendering leaves me with conflicted emotions.
“I think you should give yourself a chance to be happy, loved, and to build something good out of this impossible situation.” Her expression grows serious. “I also think you should have an exit strategy. Just in case.”
As the afternoon wears on, I relax in a way I haven’t since arriving at the estate. Having Jessie here makes everything feel more normal and manageable. Maybe this new life doesn’t have to mean losing everything I was before.
When it’s time for her to leave, she hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear. “He makes you happy. I can see it in your face.”
I don’t disagree. “It’s complicated.”
“The best things usually are.” She pulls back to look at me seriously. “Just remember what I said about protecting yourself and call me if you need anything.”
After she’s gone, I sit alone in the sunroom and think over her words about happiness, protection, and the delicate balance between hope and self-preservation. I don’t get a sudden epiphany, but my determination to fight against what I’m feeling is fading fast.
18
Nikandr
The doctor’s office is smaller than I expected and more intimate than the sterile medical facilities I’m used to. I’ve owned Women’s Associates for three years, but this is my first time inside the building. From the property listing, I thought the spaces would be larger, but there’s something comforting about the human scale of everything here. Sabrina sits on the examination table in a hospital gown that dwarfs her frame, swinging her legs nervously while we wait for Dr. Price to return with the ultrasound equipment.
“You don’t have to stay for this part if it makes you uncomfortable,” she says, fidgeting with the edge of the gown.
I move my chair closer to the table. “I want to be here.”
“It might be weird. Seeing everything, I mean.”
“Sabrina.” I wait until she looks at me. “I want to be here for all of it. Every appointment, every milestone, every moment thatmatters—and I’ve seen everything by now anyway,” I add with a wink that makes her blush.